Goodbye,

I've never been the best with goodbye and this time, things aren't any different.

To my horror, today was Mr Chiang's last day and when I read his text in Maths Lecture, I was just like, "Oh God, no...". I don't know what kind of "oh no" it was but I was just really dreading it; like I knew it was going to happen eventually yet I constantly am running away from it but it caught up now.

I am beyond sad. Like, distraught. Like, a loss. A real loss.

Now, nobody will sms me in school to collect notes before GP!

Mr Chiang is gone la. Oh my goodness...

I'll do a proper post after I nurse my sorrow.

No, seriously, I am very very sad now.

Mr Chiang, I hope you like the card we made and oh well, we didn't make the pizza but hope you liked it! Gonna miss you so much! Have fun at your new workplace tomorrow!

Rude Awakening

I'm thinking of going on a hiatus. And, packing my laptop and place it in the store room so I will never ever be distracted again.

Man, I don't know. If only I had more discipline... No, not really.

Anyhow, Ms Lai's talk this morning was a rude awakening to this whole big fat lie I've been living in. How I told myself, I'll make it for Mid Years, even if I were to screw up, how badly can it get, right? Yeah, mid years fucked me good man.

After the Meet The Parents, I've realised that this time, I'm really in the danger group and retaining may just be the outcome at the end of the year. You know, if that should happen, I probably drop out and go poly instead and do things that I am passionate about. Maybe Psychology, Tourism or Media. I really don't know what had stopped me at the beginning of ther year.

I mean, if I have to retain la. Then again, I won't let it happen.

Promos is in 7 weeks and I'm still like this. Concept like shit, body just lazy to put in the effort, mind that just wants to sleep. Fucking wake up la. You think your father's school, is it?

On a totally irrelevant note, finally got the Leader's shirt. :)

Nooo!!!

Mr Chiang is leaving MJ!

Yes, Mr Chiang as in my favouritest favouritest GP teacher in the whole wide world!

OH MY GOD.

The sadness is too overwhelming; I just couldn't go to school today. (i couldn't walk today because of the ankle actually)

Who the hell will teach me GP?!!!!

Nobody teaches like Mr Chiang does. Nobody, you heard me.

*bawls*

Oh goodness. The tragedy.

This Is For You If You Feel The Pinch

I had pizza for lunch, after lunch and now I really need to shit. But, it's not coming out yet so here I am.

Tried to study/complete homeworks just now but the afternoon heat is too overwhelming to the point it had become a distraction. So, I swtiched on the air-con hoping it'll give me a comfortable environment but nope, too cold. And again, distraction.

So, I'll just wait for evening; when the sun is gone, the temperature just right and I start wasting my time away reading notes and practising things that would not have mattered in any way. Or, what you guys call "studying".

Anyway, this thing has been gnawing at me for some time and it's about time I say this. I really detest people who regards their lack of proficiency in their Mother Tongue Language as a sign of their superiority to the others who actually are much better in this area than them. I have plenty of friends who are very gone case with their Chinese/Malay but I don't find them repulsive because they acknowledge the very fact that they are more comfortable with English than their MT but they never belittle their own language or for that matter, their own race.

Seriously, it's one thing to be not good at it but it's another thing altogether to go around and profess it with such air that only makes you look no better than a cunt. Truth is, you are just saying you don't care about your MT because you don't produce grades and because you are such a dickhead, you stoop so low and pretend those who are much better with the language are deemed "backwards". And this whole time, I only had one person in my head.

I got news for you brother. No matter how much you claim you are way better than your language/race or how deep your wannabe English poems get, none of that change your roots or who you really are. And by the way, don't flatter yourself too much cause those people will think twice, thrice before taking a second look at you.

I think some of my close friends know who I'm talking about. Haha. I didn't even mean for this to be so angsty but oh well, you can only ride your feelings man.

Intimacy

Have you ever wondered how it'll be if you discovered you were adopted and found yourself having the hots for your step-father/mother all this time?

Well, I haven't. But if you have, no, I won't judge you. Heh.

Anyhow, pardon me for the absence but I have been rather busy with nothing lately. No, actually, I have quite plenty of things to settle but it's this queer feeling that you are doing virtually nothing despite doing many things each day and you are left questioning if you have done anything today. Yeah, that's why I've been away for sometime.

No, actually, I was just lazy. But see, compare what I just said to the above paragraph. It's a lot more interesting to say all that nonsense than just to say I've been a sloth.

Oh yeah, I snip snip snip my hair yesterday. Told the hair stylist that I just wanted to cut the fringe and trim the hair but keeping the length. The fringe is okay- well, anything is better than my previous fringe which covered my whole face but with the trimming, my hair kinda like get a lil shorter and I don't really like that.

I feel that cutting your hair is such an intimate process. No, really. Not the horny kinda intimate but just you know, close intimate. If that make sense to you, good. When the guy washed my hair and massaged my scalp, I get this funny, comfy feeling all over that I eventually dozed off. And when he was done, I was so tempted urge to tell him, "You missed a spot". It's the same thing when anyone cuts your hair also but sometimes, actually all the time, I get too bored, I dozed off again.

Had meet the parents just now and it was pleasant. Teachers were nice; they have always been. Seriously, it's not the teachers, it's the damned system. But, the reality is that, for the first time in my 10 years of playing well in this wicked system, this has got to be the ultimate test thus far.

Less than 2 months to turn the tables and shove the results in their faces; I know I can do it but I'm not sure if I can do it in time.

Home, Home, Home!

I think I may be considering physio again. It's hurting a lot more this time and besides Mr Yeo insisted that physio is part of the healing process and if I don't go, I'll never heal completely. These past 2 weeks, I've been walking with a limp and depending so much on my right leg, at the end of the day, both my legs are just in pain.

And, I may just forget how to walk properly once this is over.

Anyhow, in school now and I'm just counting the hours till I'm in the comfort and safety (haha) of my own home. School is bad. Home is good. But, today is a looong day and there's council later which means I have about 4 hours before I get out of this place.

I just needed to ramble for a while, don't mind me.

Oh GP today was great. Mr Chiang was great. Class was great. And that's basically where all the greatness ends. Had a discussion about National Service and Colin and Wen Hao were against it but the girls were for it. Because we don't have to go through it. Sucks to be you, boys!

I'm just trying to feel comfortable in school but my mind is just set on going home.

I'm beginning to be really boring.

Happy Puppy

Today is a good good day. Uh huh, on rare occasions like this, my day is so good, I cannot stop smiling to myself.

In fact, I am still smiling and... now I'm letting a little laugh. Okay, a little louder than a little laugh and now... this is just an outburst. Fine, I'm rolling on the floor now.

That's how deliriously, if I may, happy I am today.

My heart skipped a beat so much today; it just felt like it stopped beating altogether.

I need so much to type this out but until I figure the most discreet way of doing this, I'll just roll on the floor every 7 seconds in sheer ecstacy.

It has got to be the eyes and the smile. No matter how down-syndrome the eyes are, the eyes are the winner and the smile and the hand movement were like... mouth-watering desserts next to a really sumptuous meal. If you get what I mean...

Okay whatever. It's the eyes and the smile and the ass and the stomach and the hair and the nose and the ear and the cheek and the hips and the arms and those hands and fingers...

If you are not freaked out/disgusted/lost yet, reread the whole paragraph again till you feel dizzy then go outside and dance with your underwear on your head!

Okay I'm sleepy.

This post is so wasted but... I'm still on the floor.