Omg omg omg. Please please forgive me. I am feeling very raw, very vulnerable right now. I am thinking of my past, my life right now and death.

See I told you, I am just too raw right now. You know, someone should just decide that it is illegal to drink coffee at night, listen to The Avett Brothers and have internet connection at the same time. It's almost like the perfect brew to exposing your bare soul to the whole virtual world and you know you're gonna regret it but you still go ahead and type it all out cause you seriously think you'll feel better when its out of your system.

Yeah like that. I am just going random lah. Fuck man, I want to live when hippie was the sex. I am just saying that becasue I am listening to "Go To Sleep" (rightfully so) and with open eyes, I see an array of colours, New York in the 70s-80s ish and I see beards.

I don't know man, I think if I ever get wasted, I'd probably see myself like this. Just that I would have lesser control of myself and I probably would do something even more dumb than writing incoherent paragraphs and putting it out there for people to read between the lines and realise what a real fucktard I am.

Are you still reading this? Wow, really, you must either be bored or you really love me a lot. I am actually scared of death. Like no, really, death and me just like whoa out of the way out of the way. Not really the fact that I am not alive that scares me; just that I am afraid I would not have done what I want to do since I was 5 and I probably would not have done more for people around me. Like fr instance, if I die, I think my mother would be beyond devastated; I know that because she is my best friend in the whole world whose vagina happened to be the one I came out from. And my mother gave me more in 18 years than I could possibly give back to her even if I live 6423 more lives. Like when I was 10, we climbed 5 storeys together to get to this class and I was waiting in line for my turn and my mother went off. Like 5 minutes later she came up with a packet of Milo for me to drink because I said I was tired after climbing. See, I cannot beat that kinda love and sacrifice.

Oh fuck what did I just type? Omg, I really need to find a way to control 2am Amalina cause she's spewing shiaat.

How th fck does someone gets drunk without drinking. I am so fckg gone now.

I just calculated and the minimum amount of money I need to enrol in driving class, sit for the basic theory test and all that jazz is easily $2200.

And the whole time I did this was in my parents room and looking at this amount, I was like "holy shit, goodbye white land rover!". My dad asked how much it would cost him and when I told him, I was expecting _____________ (insert whatever my father has been saying all this time when i spent his money). But he said "okay, that's a lot of money but I already got it ready".

I was silent. And you know this is major cause I'm the pro at come-backs, I am the best at it in the whole wide world back and forth. But this time, I was like shit, I better start playing go-kart or thats over 2K wasted.

Pressure marnxxzz.

On a different story altogether, my father is so agreeable to me painting and refurnishing my own room after A levels. And I am all psyched and all, envisaging the possibilities that lie ahead, painted ceiling and walls, plasma tv on the wall, possibly a new dvd player and cable in my room and definitely this iPod thingy that I saw that doubles up as a charger, player and FM radio.

Pimp my room, hoes! HAHA

But honestly, between you and me, I think I would get too f lazy to move pass painting 1 wall. I'm too predictable la.

And I'm talking like A levels is a done deal like that. One more paper but I can already taste the sweet taste of freedom!

After my dissapointing chem mcq this morning (and sad, considering this is most likely my final encounter with the subject), I had a sudden mental seizure.

Me: eh, mutton is goat or beef?
Dad: what?!
Me: eh no, goat or cow.
Dad: huh you 18 years old and study in jc also donno. Mutton is pork la! Haha!!!
Me: -.-

Is it strange that I enjoy walking up and down the aisles of supermarket? And that, when I'm out I make it a point to at least spend half an hour in a supermarket, though there is nothing I want to buy?

Another reason why I need help.

I should just take a staple gun and shoot me till I pee blood. I swear. I said I wanted to study for physics right but all I did was stare at the notes hoping for some knowledge osmosis to occur.

Sometimes I wonder why I do this to myself. My brain is like so inactive now like by some measures of possibility, I could just be too f lazy to breathe.

All I need is coffee now. Yeah stock up on all that shit.

I feel random, brown chicken brown cow. Say that fast. Real fast. Just the brown chicken brown cow. Haha. Weeird.

So how was your day my virtual friend? Ooo that is straight up awesome. Nahh, I have not even bathe so I can't. Yeah yeah fo shizzle.

I need serious help.

Seriously, anyone who is just incredibly bored should just go to YouTube and read the comments posted back and forth at the end of a video.

It's like the stupidest yet funniest shit ever written by anyone who is smart enough to turn on their comp.

I just read someone said "people with cancer should be executed". Funniest shit that couldn't make me laugh.

On a sidenote, a levels is kinda weird. I don't know, was hoping for the satisfaction after every paper but only felt that for gp and maths paper 2.

And nobody really expected religion to cone out cos it came out last year. But I was praying it would and my 2 pet topics came out in one question, religion and politics. That's the one nice thing for this week.

Okay Physics now.

Omg! I cannot believe I did this! I cut bangs today! Like I've been wanting to do this since forever but I was too lazy to even entertain that thought and when I did, I was too scared to do it. Yeah pussy, I know.

But the length of my hair is shorter than the long hair I had but longer than the short hair I used to have. I make sense totally right! Hahaha but I don't know la I look funny with this new do... Like finally, hello face!

Whatever la I'm just like omg I finally got round to doing this! Haha. K ciao balls.