Omg omg omg. Please please forgive me. I am feeling very raw, very vulnerable right now. I am thinking of my past, my life right now and death.

See I told you, I am just too raw right now. You know, someone should just decide that it is illegal to drink coffee at night, listen to The Avett Brothers and have internet connection at the same time. It's almost like the perfect brew to exposing your bare soul to the whole virtual world and you know you're gonna regret it but you still go ahead and type it all out cause you seriously think you'll feel better when its out of your system.

Yeah like that. I am just going random lah. Fuck man, I want to live when hippie was the sex. I am just saying that becasue I am listening to "Go To Sleep" (rightfully so) and with open eyes, I see an array of colours, New York in the 70s-80s ish and I see beards.

I don't know man, I think if I ever get wasted, I'd probably see myself like this. Just that I would have lesser control of myself and I probably would do something even more dumb than writing incoherent paragraphs and putting it out there for people to read between the lines and realise what a real fucktard I am.

Are you still reading this? Wow, really, you must either be bored or you really love me a lot. I am actually scared of death. Like no, really, death and me just like whoa out of the way out of the way. Not really the fact that I am not alive that scares me; just that I am afraid I would not have done what I want to do since I was 5 and I probably would not have done more for people around me. Like fr instance, if I die, I think my mother would be beyond devastated; I know that because she is my best friend in the whole world whose vagina happened to be the one I came out from. And my mother gave me more in 18 years than I could possibly give back to her even if I live 6423 more lives. Like when I was 10, we climbed 5 storeys together to get to this class and I was waiting in line for my turn and my mother went off. Like 5 minutes later she came up with a packet of Milo for me to drink because I said I was tired after climbing. See, I cannot beat that kinda love and sacrifice.

Oh fuck what did I just type? Omg, I really need to find a way to control 2am Amalina cause she's spewing shiaat.

How th fck does someone gets drunk without drinking. I am so fckg gone now.