My Drugs

I had the worst night last night.

I could not even close my eyes without feeling the damned veins throbbing like it had seizures and try as I might, I could not fight the urge to touch the hole using my tongue. So, the whole of last night and believe me when I say it was the whole of last night cause I was in bed at 11ish and I just stared at the ceiling with my tongue playing the hole on my cheek till 430am. About 5.5 hours for my tooth, my tongue, the hole and me to bond.

I think the dentist gave me his whole supply of medication from the cupboard that was probably overdued last December so as to make room for new ones. You see, normally, you have to take your medicine once in 8 hours that means to say, 3 times per day. And for each time you take it, you only have to swallow 1 or if not maximum 2 pill/s for 1 course of medicine and worst come to worst you have 3 courses of medicine to complete. So that means, normally, you swallow on average 3 pills in 8 hours.

Check this out. I have 3 courses of medicine to complete. But, here is the catch. I have the pain-killer which, thank God, is in capsule form so I don't have to taste the bitterness and I have to take 2 capsules, 4 times a day.

And, then, there is another capsule which I have to take that I cannot remember what it is for; so I have to take another capsule, 3 times a day.

Now, there's the antibiotic which is the killer, I swear. And it didn't even help that it was in pill form so when I place it on my tongue, I can feel the bitterness increasing by the second and sometimes when I wash it down my throat with water, it tends to 'swim' everywhere before finally going down. So at the end of it, my whole mouth tastes bitter. And, it would be perfectly tolerable for me if it's just 1 pill but no baby, it's 4 pills.

Yes. 4 freaking pils. 2 huge and 2 small. But bitter all the same. I have a good feeling bile tastes like all the 4 pills put together.

Then, there is this green solution that I have to gurgle with. It's something like your Listerine but it tastes a lot stronger and I think they have up the concentration by a little too cause when I gurgle and I let it touch the tooth and the hole, I just want to roll over on the bathroom floor and die.

And this morning, I wanted to make it a tad more fun for myself so I can be distracted from the torturous pain. Or so I thought. So after gurgling and willingly allowing myself to be submitted to another round of hell, I thought it would be interesting to let just a little of the solution down my throat. Just a little to see what will happen...

And it was like fuck. I spat out everything that was in my mouth; coughed so violently cause I thought my throat was on fire and I was tearing so badly that I really thought my throat was on fire. Then later when I wanted to drink Nestum, it tastes like Listerine. So my throat is a bit out of service at the moment.

Oh, then there is this cream that I have to put on the affected area until it forms a thin layer of film on the gum. And everytime the cotton bud touches my gum, my gum screams expletives of all languages; it surprises me sometimes. So, again, I though I should distract myself and I decided to taste the cream and when it has safely mix with my saliva, I swallowed it.

Nothing happened.

Then, my tummy began to hurt a little which then exploded into great torment and I knew it had got to be the cream. Took the box and this was what I saw printed in miniscule but red label at the bottom of it- POISON.

I rest my case.

I cannot believe this whole post is about my drugs.

This is a convo between my Mom and my Aunt whose daughter is taking Social Science in NUS.

Mom: So, what faculty does she belong to in NUS?

Aunt: Oh, Science and Social Studies.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Okay, stop.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Rejecting Wisdom

I am very very grouchy today.

I'm having one of those days when everything around you spells S-H-I-T; everything that everyone says spells S-H-I-T even when they are not talking to you; your life at that moment seems like S-H-I-T and basically, you feel like you are S-H-I-T.

I'm sure you get what I mean now.

Remember that friggin' wisdom tooth that is annoyingly growing? It's getting onto my nerves... or rather my veins that it's giving me a split headache. You can feel the veins throbbing then it goes all the way up to your head and then onto your temple and that is when you feel like putting a gun in your mouth. Or simply, S-H-I-T.

So, I went to the dentist's and he had an X-ray done and thank God, the wisdom tooth is growing straight and not at an angle. If it happened to be the latter, I have to go for a surgery to get it remove. So, now the problem is not that bad, eh? Yeah, I wish.

The problem now is my wisdom tooth is growing at a rate that put the snail's renowned speed at shame and thus, now my gum is forced to expand to allow my tooth to appear. But, my tooth refuses to appear and hence my gum is still forced to expand and now it's swollen. And, the tooth has no plans on 'breaking from the gum' anytime soon.

As though that is not bad enough, there is this hole on my cheek. Not the side that you can see cause that will mean I can see it too and that will freak the hell out of me. So, it's the inner side where I cannot see but I can feel with my tongue. And, being the ingenous person that I am, I took a picture of it using my phone and holy, it sure is a hole. It's red and huge and it's a hole.

I wanted to post the picture up but I guess I won't cause it's too graphic and disgusting.

The only good thing that came from all this screwed-up shit is my 2 days MC.

I cannot believe I wrote this whole post on my wisdom tooth.

I'm off to continue being grouchy.

Pleasure in Pain

This will be a post of many many different things.

Now, I've been meaning to do this since forever but never had the time. This is, or rather, was my CG.

Weihao and Eugene, don't be too upset with the JAE posting. If you have no choice but to stay in TPJC, I am sure you will have a great time there and make many wonderful friends like you did in 08S204. :)

To the rest of you guys, I'll see you in class for the next 2 years! Other than the German Buffet who is taking 4H2s.

Oh, that is Sharkie Freeze from Fish n Co. Had dinner with Hassy yesterday there and I was looking through the menu and I thought, "Sharkie Freeze sounds very... cool than Coke." And so, without hesitation or even the initiative to ask the size of the drink, I ordered it. I mean, who the hell ask the waitress the size of their drink when they already provided you pictures of it? I must have been the 83942389472389461928462897628 person to be fooled cause the drink is like uber huge and no, you cannot tell it from the pictures in the menu. It was so heavy, I swear I thought I was eating fish n chips while lifting up weights whenever I wanted to drink.

And Has gave me the most incredible birthday present ever. It's something like... roti kirai without the curry. Or, a story book without the story. Or yes, fish n chips without the fish. You get my flow right?

No, but seriously, I love you Hassy! Thanks for both presents. mentang mentang ah aku gelap.

Anyhoo, another quarter of my wisdom tooth on my left is growing and please believe me when I say, it is very excruciating to the point that I wish sometimes I had no wisdom tooth. And, I have charred lips and so I forgot to put my lip balm and after not moving my mouth for quite a bit, I smiled to a stranger on the bus. And, BAM! It tore.

And my leg has a blue-black now. And it hurts too.

All these pain has succesfully diverted my attention from realising tomorrow is Monday. I find pleaure in pain.

MAJOR HAHA.

Its The Videos

This is gonna be a real quick one cause I am really really tired and I'm having a craving for Coke.

No link, I know.

Anyhoo, I just wanna say that MJ really does know damn well how to psycho you to really like them. I think a lot goes to their video editing skills cause the pictures on screen and the music they play synchronise so well that I had chills. Not like a bad kinda chills, a good one. Chills that say "I wanna be a part of this".

So, if their aim today was to change our mindset about the college and getting the students interested in the various programmes, I can safely say, it worked. On me, at least.

Then again, we know how emotionally stable I am, right?

So, bought the college uniform and I was planning to get 1 size bigger for my skirt so I can cross my leg like the boys but when I put it on, it looks really... huge. And not proportionate, thus fugly. So now, I have my actual skirt size and it looks okay and feels right. But, I think I need to get 1 size smaller for my blouse too cause I swear, I can hide a living chicken in it.

Other than that, I'm good to go as far as MJ is concerned.

Oh, while walking home from dinner and playing soccer or more like kicking the soccer ball only, I got myself into trouble. Shocking, eh? Hah.

I did a heading a few times with Irna but then when I decided to go solo for a while, my head hit the ball and as though ignoring all the law of Kinematics that I've studied, the ball swayed to its right and landed in Dunman Secondary School.

First thing that came to mind, "Holy, something is wrong with the gravity today!". Then, I realised the real trouble was I had to go all the way to the other side of the area to sneak into DSS. One of the teachers saw me but thank heavens I had the ball already, so I ran like I've never run before through the gates and back to my perfect, little world.

i have forgotten everything but the smell of your perfume reminds me of everything again

Born Of A Vision To Be The Best

I would have ponned today if I was not afraid of getting my name striked off the enrolment list. I thought about it for a while... Then, I realised it's too big a price to pay for 2 years for not moving my ass today.

So, I went and I sat through all the "interesting" talks which they practically repeated word by word from 8 weeks ago. I yawned every 8 second, (I timed myself) and my eyes teared each time. Talk about being bored to tears...

But, I felt a lot more comfortable in the hall than other times cause maybe because I've warmed up to the whole place and I already knew most of the people around and just maybe, I've grown to like MJC a lot better now. And, I think I can put the college anthem on repeat. You know, it's the kind of song when you listen to it more and more, you feel more and more inspired and motivated to the point that you actually sing it like you mean it. You actually believed the truth in the words you were singing out loud. No?

That was what I felt, at least.

There were 2 things I realised today. 1) I am ready to be a part of MJC. 2) I don't like one of the higher people there.

Anyway, soon enough I will no longer don the familiar and comfortable TK uniform. I am gonna miss it hell a lot after 4 years. I like that we folded our sleeves and our skirt leaves a lot of room for manoeuvring especially for someone like me who does not know how to sit like a girl.

I don't think I can cross my leg like the boys when I'm in MJ's skirt. Boo!

Anyhoo, my leg still hurts very much and my throat is so itchy, I swear I will put my hand and scratch it. And, 1/4 of my wisdom tooth on my left has grown so it hurts like shit too.

See, there isn't any other life I rather live.

you have nothing to be afraid of if you did nothing wrong. the least you could do was to have a brief chat with them considering the time they stupidly wasted just to travel to see you. but, you do what you do best and that didnt even bother your conscience a bit when you chose to ignore and leave without even a meaningless "hi, how are you?". you are the most insenstive person i've come across my whole life. i am more amused than amazed at your downright disrespect because nothing else you do can disgust me any further. respect works both way; dont just hope for it. earn it.

Double K

I just came back to say, my left leg hurts like hell.

Yesterday, before crossing the road, I mean, before jay-walking, I was too busy talking to some friends that I did not realise thee was this sharp, rusty thingy mounted on the ground. So, I knocked into it. My left leg bled a little, butt it looks completely harmless.

Now, there's 3 tiny dents on my shin and blood has dried from it.

But, it hurts like shit. I think the rust got into my leg.

I don't want to die yet.

And, oh, I really think Kit-Kat is the most underrated chocolate. Nothing tastes better than my double K. Not even Rocher.

And Once Again

MJC Science

That is it. My life for the next 18 months.

I don't know what to feel but I guess I am thankful that I get into the college that I want though it was because of a change of heart. I've adapted to MJ's environment and just trying to do that was so much hassle so if I was thrown into some other college, I will have to repeat the whole trouble of making friends and adapting to new environment.

TJC is and always will be my fantasy. Hah.

Actually it was a relief to know it was MJC because I l knew TJC was like a "duh, you're not getting it" kinda choice but I had this fear that MJC did not want me either because I put them as second. But, phew!

Need to collect certificate and testimonial from TK soon.

Goodbye or Hello?

Today is the last day of PAE and who would have thought that saying goodbye still is the hardest thing even if you only know one another for roughly 2 months? Who would have thought that the 12 people around me; my CGmates would be of so much interest to me when 2 months ago during orientation, not even cheering the House cheers humored me a teeny bit? Who would have thought after all the negative vibes I have towards this college, 2 months later, there is no other college I rather be?

Certainly not I.

Like you would probably have known by now, I am not exactly the best at bidding farewell neither am I the one who can easily let it go and move on, pretending all the laughters and annoyance I felt once upon a time, has no effect on me whatsoever. So, I have a feeling this time, thing is not that different either.

I really want to talk about my CGmates but I'll do it on another post when I receive the pictures from Eileen. But just know that, these are the best people I have met in college and I'm really glad I know them.

Anyway, tomorrow is the posting of JAE- the real shit, yaww! Hah. I had put TJC (Sci) as my first choice because that college has always been and will always just be a fantasy for as long as I shall live. It's just there for me to see and admire from far but not really close enough for me to touch and feel it's brilliance. I had always wanted to be a student there but we know, this is life and in life, you'll never get what you want so I have learnt to cope with that now.

Second choice is the more practical one- MJC (Sci). Half of me is not worried that MJ will reject me because they cannot do that since my net L1R5 is better than their COP and I can come in even without loyalty points. But, another half of me, the more paranoid one says that chances are MJ will reject me because I'm a traitor because I put them as second choice. Does not make sense right? But, you know, the things I am able to convince myself to believe in times like this.

Worst case scenario is that TJC will not even look at me, MJC rejected me and I am posted to my 3rd choice- either SA or AC. I will not really mind AC since a few of my friends are there.

Hah. Please la, just give me MJC. Just give me something that I want for once la.

Into The Unknown

Don't get me started on my hate relationship with anything that sounds or has to do with Monday. Like, which knucklehead thought it was cool to name a day as 'Monday' and another idiothead who thought it's even cooler to start school on a Monday. If school starts on any other day but Monday, I am almost certain I will not have anything personal against Monday. Maybe on some other days...

Anyway, this Tuesday is the posting for JAE. Time do fly if you think about it. It seems like it was only a couple of days back I was complaining how much I was rotting my life away then when college started, I complained I did not have enough time doing nothing. And, there was the O levels result period then now, PAE is ending and it's time for the real deal.

Aaaah, another 18 months roughly in an education system I'm really not sure I want to be involved in.

You know, honestly, I have never considered anything that has to do with Poly and I'm saying this with no intention of disrespect to my fellow friends who are/will be going to Poly or even trying to hint of superiority of JC over Poly, cause I personally feel that's a whole load of bull.

Back to what I wanted to say- I did not consider Poly at all because I have not the slightest idea what course I want to pursue in or even if I am cut-out for Poly life. You need so much discipline to attend lectures, exemplary time management to balance projects, assignments, exams, social life and the list goes. That is why I envy those who are going Poly because they know exactly what they want and they are already doing what they want to do and enjoying it. I am in a JC because I am not really sure if the career path I will be taking is what I really want when I enter Uni and other than that, technically, JC is the surest path to Uni.

Then, there's the other thing of screwing up 'A's and not getting a place in Uni and not even having a proper A level certificate or even a diploma thus making my point above on JC being your passport to Uni a whole load of bull altogether. And, the dream job that I have in mind now may change 2 years from now and then I'll be left doing something I do not want to do for the next century.

The only reason I am thinking so much about this JC/Poly thing now, Uni and career is because a friend of mine told me she has her life planned ahead of her and she knows what she wants and she'll do it. And, she plans to get married 2 years from now and already has a 'planned husband', if you will.

You can say it's the fear of being in the unknown that has prompted me to rant everything above. I know as for right now, the only thing I am willing to exchange my sleep with is Chemistry and thus my career path in mind is something along the chemicals. But, even then I am not doing well for JC Chem and it's supposed to be easy-peasy shit. And, I'm doubting my interest in Chem now.

Ah. I know why I'm blabbering too much now! I could not solve the Iodometric question in the tutorial and I went crazy for a while.

if time was in our favour

Still Not Moving On

Thank God It's Friday! I've been looking forward to this day since last Sunday night and finally... here it is. You know, if I have 1 wish and I have to keep it to that, I wish that every day will be like a Friday. It can be called Monday but it has to be like a Friday... You get what I mean, right? Friday is like the most perfect day of the week, especially the evening cause everything is so laid-back and time seems to pass so slowly and I like that. I can actually go on rambling about Friday and how I am in love with it, but I think I'll stop. For now.

Anyhoo, went to TM with Mom to just walk around and do a bit of shopping and I decided to drop by Popular to look at the Reference Books they have. And, Amos and Nich were so right- the prices are so effing ludicrous! I could buy a baboozillian of my O levels TYS in exchange of one A level Chemistry reference book. That's how expensive it is- $70. I can buy many many things with that amount of money la. And we looked around too but there are very few A level assesment books to the point that, relative to O levels assesment books, A levels' are like 1/2340983903409709701293723803. And, I'm not bullshitting. Really.

Okay, you got me. I am.

Dad bought me an Adidas shirt for running and so, it's normal right? Adidas shirt to go running? Yes, it's normal. My father bought it for me, so normal la? Wrong! Hah, I think he needs a favour from me. Yes! That must be it! This has got to be a bribe.

I am making my father look like a self-centered, manipulative scrooge, no?

But, seriously no. He's really the opposite of all those above but you can substitute 'scrooge' for 'cheapo', for euphemism's sake. He buys me everything I want but the amount of nagging I have to go through each time used to be so excruciating but now, it's pointless since I'm immune to it. He usually will never get me this kinda thing unless I ask/whine for it and it's a like a 90+ shirt he bought just for me to drench my sweat in. Something seems wrong, yes?

But, it's okay. I love my father. But, the top is yellow and 1 size bigger. And he said, excellent for air ventilation but... yellow? What's your reason, Father?

I miss TK a lot still. I think it should be time I let go of TK but it's not happening. A lil more time perhaps. But, deep down, I doubt so. How do you let go of a part that is immortalised in your very being?

i hate this song because the words were written for you

Valentine's

It has been a while yeah. Anyway, I was too busy with school work, sleeping and more sleeping that I could not possibly find any more energy to blog. But, I have so many things worth mentioning in this post unlike the previous ones because finally, yes, finally my life has moved from that stagnant point and into something more meaningful.

Anyhoo, I failed my Chemistry test. I will not mention my marks or worse, my grade because firstly, it is hell embarassing and secondly, I fear your heart will suddenly stop pumping from the laughter fits you'll be in when you realise that I may only look smarter in juxtapose to a cockroach hence very embarassing. I do not think cockroaches are stupid, by the way.

And, the fun does not end there. I failed my Physics test. Actually, it was by a whisker so I am not that distraught but to think of it, I was expecting to at least pass it. But, I was not very serious with my revision so I guess I deserve it.

But, here is the BIG BUT. I got an A+ for my GP essay. The topic was: "There is no other place I rather be". Is this the feeling of the youths in your country towards your country? Somewhere along that line. Hah, just when you thought a D is not even possible to come from this pathetic being, it's an A with a plus sister! How 'bout that, y'all?! Cause I'm that good, that's why.

Honestly, I'm not even that proud of it cause I know that is just the PAE and what we are having now is just like a small proportion of the real deal. Just like 25.0 cm3 of solution for titration from a 500 cm3 standard solution. Only that the scale is shit bigger than that. That explains why I'm not really bothered that I failed my 2 tests. Worried? Slightly. Suicidal? Nope.

Happy Valentine's Everyone!

I love 08S204 like bucket loads, each and every one of them. College today was crazy; people ran around from one corner to another to exchange gifts and hugs. But, it felt really comforting to feel so much love.

And, I got 1 mysterious gift from a mysterious person, my angel. Jeng... jeng... jeng! Can someone please suggest a suitable gift? He gave me a box of Rocher and I cannot actually give him a box of chocolates too right? The mystery of it all...

To something of lesser importance to everyone else in this planet other than myself, so you can skip this part. N called after I finished dinner with Kai Hui, Theo and Min Yu. And though he really troubled me, it was worth the time la. Every second of it.

you, thank you for tonight yeah but it would have been even perfect with earlier notice. :) and, you really should not have troubled yourself with all the planning but it was really so sweet of you. thanks for the unexpected present but i'll give yours really really soon since i have to put a lot of effort into it also. promise!

Store And More

This will be a quick one. It'll be so quick... it's quicker than quickest.

Now, the word 'quick' seems awfully odd, no?

I just came to say Chemistry is giving me severe, chronic headaches. Redox used to Rox la, once upon a time, now it's like a pain in the ass. Must find oxidation state of Mn after end point la, got acidic medium la, basic medium la.

No, I was not even gonna complain about that. What I was about to say was, I had 3 Redox questions from the tutorial to be completed and of the three, I could complete one, got stucked on the second and lost on the third.

If I pass my first CT which I'll get back tomorrow, as long as it hits 50%, I will buy everyone, including you, something from 7-11. Because... it's a store and more. No, because, I am sleepy and I don't think anyone is convinced I'll pass, so I'm brave enough to make this pact.

Physics was okay other than the fact we critically analysed 1 Kinematics question and failed to interpret to a V-T graph. And now when I'm attempting it, I found something queer though I still think it's my bad cause I have lack of appreciation for the simple concept of air resistance and acceleration.

it's harder to make the wrong things right than just to make the right things go wrong

The Last Executioner

I hate waking up so early on a Sunday like at 8ish. I hate when my eyes suddenly decide to open when I still want it to close. I hate it when a message is sent to my brain that if I don't make my way to the toilet now, my bladder will burst. I hate it when I wake up without my Mom's annoying pestering. I hate it when I have nothing else to hate now.

I don't really hate many things. Really.

Anyhoo, I finished this book during the holiday- "The Last Executioner". The story is based on true events which took place in a prison in Thailand and told by the last executioner of Thailand when shooting was still in practice to carry out the death sentence of the condemned. The book goes into grisly details on how the execution was carried out from the time to the escort meets the prisoner on death row to the time the gun adjuster carried out his duty and up to the mind of the executioner on duty who would take a life away.

It is really strange because the book has so much impact on me. Temporarily, maybe but bottomline is it leaves a mark and it got me thinking. You know, your mind can get so messed up when you read about people awaiting their death in such great details in the wee hours of the morning.

I became a bit emo and thought about the things that I've done wrong when I could have made it right.The times when I said horrendous things in the fit of anger but I never meant them at all. The times when I was not the best child my parents could have wished for. The times when I could simply say 'sorry' but I chose not to. *play akon's- dorry, blame it on me*

And that was when it hit me- If my time is up today, what will I leave behind?

Sarah used to tell me that I never get upset when someone hurts me but I get angry. I used to think it was an advantage cause if I can't feel the unhappiness, there is nothing unhappy about it and my near-perfect life continues. Hah. But, I change my stance now. I wish I could feel more sad, more forlorn, more bitter. Maybe after I feel all that, I can move on and feel nothing is weighing me down and whatever that is supposed to upset/anger me will be forgotten.

I hate it when I think too much. I also hate doing homeworks.

I will now do the normal things I have always done. Spongebob!!!

after all the laughter, this is how it ends

Ciao Chow

I wish for many more days like this. I wish this day will never end. Never ever. I wish that the Chinese will extend their celebration. I wish that Monday will never come. I wish that I make more sense.

If I have 1 wish, it'll not be enough.

My holiday so far has been the most perfect and I am pretty much convinced that nothing can ruin the state of jubilant I am in now. Nothing, you hear me?! The grass seems a lot greener, the sky seems a lot blue-er, the air seems a lot sweeter and my life seems a lot perfect-er. I am still not making sense, eh.

Anyway, I came here after a friend of mine smsed me to say he was not enjoying his CNY celebration at all, only that his sms was laced with adult language and a remark that could possibly cause Mao to sit in his grave. Wait, is he even buried?

The point is, have fun you guys! It's your celebration and anything that takes school off the agenda deserves to be celebrated like there's no tomorrow. Okay, just think of it as Christmas only that you do not eat turkey, you eat bak kwa. You do not get presents,you get hong bao. You do not have Santa... And it ends right there. See, bak kwa, hong bao, not bad what?! Actually, I don't know about the bak kwa...

Anyway, I have a reunion lunch later at the Grandmama's though I would be 2 days late if I celebrate CNY.

Aaaahh, Stephen Chow!!!!

Ciao.

Lion And Oranges

I just came back from a very very long day and all I really want to do now is get on the bed with my pillow and bolster and my blanket up to my neck and feeling the chill from the aircon on my skin.

So, I had the best of both world today and I am just saying this to sound very optimistic since my recent posts have traces of negative vibes and it is always important to have the perfect balance, eh. I attended MJC celebration and I will not fill you in with my emotions when I was at the celebration since it will disrupt the balance I have so carefully perfected.

Having said that, it's not that I did not enjoy my time in MJ cause I sure as hell did and in all honesty, it was the best celebration I've attended prior to my eleventh year in the education system in Singapore.

So, we were home sweet home finally after what seems forever! We waited for the cab for 20 minutes plus and I'm telling you, it did not seem like forever, it hell was an eternity. Finally called for the cab and when we were on TK's ground and you see the pillars which were once so insignificant to you and the familiar faces of your friends under the rotunda, the $2.50 booking charge was worth every cent.

Anyway, if you are Chinese, HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR! GONG XI FA CAI!

And, if you are anything but Chinese, please watch some Stephen Chow movie during the holiday. He is soooo hilarious!

This post is lacking substance... the way they have always been. But, this one seems to be lesser than no substance.

i change bestfriend every week

Far From Fast

This will be a very quick and random post. I promise.

Lets start with Chemistry test. No, actually, don't let me go there cause I'll go on and on and will never be done with this post. But, just so you know, I so screwed up my paper big time! Oh my god, I'm not being pessimistic here or anything, I swear but I think I'll barely pass this paper. I have never done this badly for any Chemistry test but oh well, I guess there's always a start to everything.

But, no. I don't want this to start and since it has already started, I want it to stop. I hate failing. Especially something I am devoted to. I had spent the whole of Sunday and about a 5 hours on Saturday doing all the revision and I could do it. But, now, when it is the real deal, I screwed up. And this is not the first time I screwed up when it comes to the real thing.

I told you not to get me started on this.

Anyhoo, we had Mr Lim for Physics today since Dr. Vaz is away on course and he was pretty good as the latter. I actually managed to understand all those hype about air resistance, net force and how velocity is proportionate to air resistance. Honestly, I am enjoying Physcis more than Chemistry.

I take that back. It's an inappropriate statement.

Hoe Kiat: Cher, is the paper hard tomorrow?

Mr Lim: No. It's very soft.

Physics test tomorrow and after what happened today, I think I have changed strategy. Now, I shall just take it as it comes and not get preoccupied with the grades. But, oh, the thing about Physics is, the harder you try to understand it and analyse the concept behind it, the more loopholes you tend to find though it's just due to your lack of appreciation and thus the more confused you will be.

Anyway, many people are going back TK for this CNY, so I've heard. And I think I may go back too. It has been too long since I left TK's grounds and my heart aches just missing it. But then, there is MJC celebration and if you honestly let me choose between the 2 without actually having a punishment as to why I did not go for the the compulsory one, I'll choose the non-compulsary. Like as if you have to ask...

Oh, HELLO MR LEE! :D

And if you are from TK, HELLO HELLO YOU!

And while I'm at that, even if you are not from TK, HELLO TO YOU WHO ARE READING THIS. If you can read that, I'm saying hello to you.

CNY, who's your daddy?

Ignore that. I am excited for the loooonnnng holiday that even the thought of failing Chemistry test does not bother me anymore now.

This post is very random. But, it's not quick anymore.

It's getting too long.

Actually, very long.

I can actually digress while digressing.

Okay, stop.

Just popped in to say...

Who's your daddy?

i am that annoying

Violent Spasms

My aim for this week was to survive the week. And, I think I did. So much have happened in just 7 days that for a moment, I wanted to just accelerate to the following week. But now, tomorrow is already the 'following week' which means, school starts again, which means, I have to wake up early, which means, when I get home, I'll be tired and sleepy, which means, I will not be happy which means, I am stucked in this vicious cycle forever... and ever... and ever...

Okay, I'm bullshitting again.

I'm in this state right now because I have just completed 2 revision on Mole Concept and a year ago, I could probably still skip and be merry but now, I'm just too mentally drained and physically, from all those violent throw of pen and papers and calculator. That is a product of not getting the correct answer for almost every question and convinced that you are really really dumb and thus will not even pass tomorrow's test.

Please please, at least let me pass tomorrow's paper. I don't want to start my first ever test in a college with a freaking F. I don't even think I might get F, I probably get a 0. Oh no, the most probable is I get a -2 because not only will I get ALL the questions wrong, my fugly handwriting will be such a major turn-off for the marker that she'll get major spasms and thus reward me with a -2 instead of an inhumane -5. Huh, the impeccable world I live in.

I've been too lazy to actually do anything productive these days. I only got down to studying yesterday at 7pm after rationalising with myself the whole of yesterday that Saturday afternoon is meant to be a chill-out time and it's too warm that I cannot focus and focus is key, so if I cannot study well, then don't study at all and also, my A levels are not tomorrow and it's not even my MYE, I mean, it's still PAE... so, lets just study later.

I can come up with lame reasons as to why I should study later. And later. And later. Funny thing is, I always convinced myself.

The week will be a really short one and I am really excited for Chinese New Year. Besides the fact, I embrace racial harmony and am always sharing the prosperity and happiness of my fellow friends during this season, I can slack and lepak at home and watch some Chinese movies on Channel 8. Shiok, I tell you.

So, chances are I may not even take this week seriously. But, I will. Just like I will pass my Chem test... I better.

I wish I could bring my hamsters out for a walk.

When Studying Used To Be...

Went to ECP with the usuals yesterday with the sole purpose of attending TK Road Run but after Mr Yusri called to say it was cancelled, we did the next natural thing... lepak at Macs and talk and talk and talk and continue talking for hours. I love it when we catch up with one another cause there are so much juicy news to listen to. Aaah, I love this people soo much.

Anyhoo, to something of lesser love factor. I have a Chemistry test on Monday, followed by Physics on Tuesday and in case you have not noticed, I am the least excited. I have to be honest with you now- I don't think I'm ready for JC life just yet or just maybe, I'm still in the holiday mood. Okay, no. Scrap that.

It's just that Chemistry is getting so effing difficult now and I do not enjoy doing it as much as I did in my Upper Sec years. It's getting onto my nerves with the dilution concept la and oh, if anyone ever tell me that Redox is the easiest peanut, I swear I'll hurt that person in a way you cannot even imagine! Redox is Upper Sec was really though, an insult to one's intelligence, to put it crudely, but JC Redox is really insulting my intelligence cause it makes me realise I am not that intelligent anymore. I have always hated reality checks.

Maybe, I'm exaggerating a bit (like you are that surprised..).Chemistry to a certain degree still give me that 'high' that I get when I'm doing it and it's really more of Maths+Science. I need to get a reference book really soon.

Physics so far has been really good but it's too early to say anything. So, I'm just aiming that I'll pass both tests next week because I have failed my assignment terribly and after not failing anything for a very long time... the feeling sure sucks.

I used to get so excited just thinking of studying for the Chemistry tests we had in TK because I'm always aiming for that A1 and I know even if I screw up, it'll still be A2. And, the whole process of just studying Contact Process la, Haber process la, QA la used to be so... magical.

Lets see if I can do that magic again now.

i am addicted to the love letter goodies