I am thinking of changing blog/abandoning this blog or just not blog. But I don't think I will not blog because blogging and the writing and the whining has grown on me that it becomes almost impossible for me not to channel my useless energy and straying thoughts somewhere.

And honestly, I really have been kept busy (by fun) that I completely forgotten I have this thing here. And I only remember this when it's like 2 in the god damned morning and I am the only one awake in the whole house and my thoughts are racing with many different things. So now you know why I am here.

So just between you and me, I have this one person that I am genuinely mad at. Like, I am not really sure if I am mad or just obsessed on taking my revenge but either way, I always find this person at the back of my head all the time. And it annoys me silly that I just feel like ringing up this mofo and, and, urm, well you know... say shit and put down the phone.

Okay, honestly I don't know what I'll do for me to actually consider the act as revenge but I really really want to do something to this person so that this person just gets angry. Oh my god, I am a monster! Like okay no, it's not like revenge- I kill you kinda thing but its justlike revenge- you stupid mofo, I will be so much an irritant you wish you'd die.

Right, not much difference but the point is I just want to cause some degree of damage to this person because if you know me, I am that one person in the whole that just goes "fuck it all" and I don't let nothing get to me. And if this person manage to leave like an imprint on me, you know the shit is major!

I sincerely wish right that our paths crossed again in the future so that I can cause damage to this person and after that, I will just... probably just like do some nasty shit like urmmm, like you know nastay shiaat. No you don't know, neither do I.

I think I just want to win this thing. Like I always do. I am such a bitch.

I am just saying... GOOD-FUCKING-BYE A LEVELS!!!

And come to me endless FREEDOM!!!

Okay, thats all.

Omg omg omg. Please please forgive me. I am feeling very raw, very vulnerable right now. I am thinking of my past, my life right now and death.

See I told you, I am just too raw right now. You know, someone should just decide that it is illegal to drink coffee at night, listen to The Avett Brothers and have internet connection at the same time. It's almost like the perfect brew to exposing your bare soul to the whole virtual world and you know you're gonna regret it but you still go ahead and type it all out cause you seriously think you'll feel better when its out of your system.

Yeah like that. I am just going random lah. Fuck man, I want to live when hippie was the sex. I am just saying that becasue I am listening to "Go To Sleep" (rightfully so) and with open eyes, I see an array of colours, New York in the 70s-80s ish and I see beards.

I don't know man, I think if I ever get wasted, I'd probably see myself like this. Just that I would have lesser control of myself and I probably would do something even more dumb than writing incoherent paragraphs and putting it out there for people to read between the lines and realise what a real fucktard I am.

Are you still reading this? Wow, really, you must either be bored or you really love me a lot. I am actually scared of death. Like no, really, death and me just like whoa out of the way out of the way. Not really the fact that I am not alive that scares me; just that I am afraid I would not have done what I want to do since I was 5 and I probably would not have done more for people around me. Like fr instance, if I die, I think my mother would be beyond devastated; I know that because she is my best friend in the whole world whose vagina happened to be the one I came out from. And my mother gave me more in 18 years than I could possibly give back to her even if I live 6423 more lives. Like when I was 10, we climbed 5 storeys together to get to this class and I was waiting in line for my turn and my mother went off. Like 5 minutes later she came up with a packet of Milo for me to drink because I said I was tired after climbing. See, I cannot beat that kinda love and sacrifice.

Oh fuck what did I just type? Omg, I really need to find a way to control 2am Amalina cause she's spewing shiaat.

How th fck does someone gets drunk without drinking. I am so fckg gone now.

I just calculated and the minimum amount of money I need to enrol in driving class, sit for the basic theory test and all that jazz is easily $2200.

And the whole time I did this was in my parents room and looking at this amount, I was like "holy shit, goodbye white land rover!". My dad asked how much it would cost him and when I told him, I was expecting _____________ (insert whatever my father has been saying all this time when i spent his money). But he said "okay, that's a lot of money but I already got it ready".

I was silent. And you know this is major cause I'm the pro at come-backs, I am the best at it in the whole wide world back and forth. But this time, I was like shit, I better start playing go-kart or thats over 2K wasted.

Pressure marnxxzz.

On a different story altogether, my father is so agreeable to me painting and refurnishing my own room after A levels. And I am all psyched and all, envisaging the possibilities that lie ahead, painted ceiling and walls, plasma tv on the wall, possibly a new dvd player and cable in my room and definitely this iPod thingy that I saw that doubles up as a charger, player and FM radio.

Pimp my room, hoes! HAHA

But honestly, between you and me, I think I would get too f lazy to move pass painting 1 wall. I'm too predictable la.

And I'm talking like A levels is a done deal like that. One more paper but I can already taste the sweet taste of freedom!

After my dissapointing chem mcq this morning (and sad, considering this is most likely my final encounter with the subject), I had a sudden mental seizure.

Me: eh, mutton is goat or beef?
Dad: what?!
Me: eh no, goat or cow.
Dad: huh you 18 years old and study in jc also donno. Mutton is pork la! Haha!!!
Me: -.-

Is it strange that I enjoy walking up and down the aisles of supermarket? And that, when I'm out I make it a point to at least spend half an hour in a supermarket, though there is nothing I want to buy?

Another reason why I need help.

I should just take a staple gun and shoot me till I pee blood. I swear. I said I wanted to study for physics right but all I did was stare at the notes hoping for some knowledge osmosis to occur.

Sometimes I wonder why I do this to myself. My brain is like so inactive now like by some measures of possibility, I could just be too f lazy to breathe.

All I need is coffee now. Yeah stock up on all that shit.

I feel random, brown chicken brown cow. Say that fast. Real fast. Just the brown chicken brown cow. Haha. Weeird.

So how was your day my virtual friend? Ooo that is straight up awesome. Nahh, I have not even bathe so I can't. Yeah yeah fo shizzle.

I need serious help.

Seriously, anyone who is just incredibly bored should just go to YouTube and read the comments posted back and forth at the end of a video.

It's like the stupidest yet funniest shit ever written by anyone who is smart enough to turn on their comp.

I just read someone said "people with cancer should be executed". Funniest shit that couldn't make me laugh.

On a sidenote, a levels is kinda weird. I don't know, was hoping for the satisfaction after every paper but only felt that for gp and maths paper 2.

And nobody really expected religion to cone out cos it came out last year. But I was praying it would and my 2 pet topics came out in one question, religion and politics. That's the one nice thing for this week.

Okay Physics now.

Omg! I cannot believe I did this! I cut bangs today! Like I've been wanting to do this since forever but I was too lazy to even entertain that thought and when I did, I was too scared to do it. Yeah pussy, I know.

But the length of my hair is shorter than the long hair I had but longer than the short hair I used to have. I make sense totally right! Hahaha but I don't know la I look funny with this new do... Like finally, hello face!

Whatever la I'm just like omg I finally got round to doing this! Haha. K ciao balls.

Haha I just found this app. Thanks to Atiqah. Anyhoo, was thinkin that I honestly make a pretty good stalker. Like I don't have to try very hard. Haha.

I smsed Atiqah 3x in less than an hour in china just now cause I was legit bored. I don't even know why I'm sharing things that don't matter.

Aircon still spoilt la. Bloody hot hell.

Like you remember I once said that if ever, if ever, I write anything stupid, I'd grow myself a dick? It seems like a self-fulfilling prophecy, I swear. By the looks of it, or rather the feel of it, I am almost certain I am about to write something stupid again. Whatever la, if somehow a dick grows out of me, I'll castrate it and we'll roll again.

I am so goddamned sleepy and the only reason why I'm awake other than because I need to do some work is because my bloody aircon is spoilt. Effectiveness of studying is directly proportional to functioning of aircon.

And now I'm sitting in the living room with a hopeless, space consuming (notice the dumbness in my argument) ceiling fan which should just explode itself and stop working. Cause as it is, it doesn't seem to be producing much effect.

My mother is hand-fanning my hamsters, can you freaking believe that? What has my world come to?

18 years on in my life and this is the first time I am so uncertain of myself. I've never doubted myself on anything but on this momentous year, doubt is in my every pore. Sometimes things can get too late but fuck that, I'm not going down without a fight. But I cannot fight in this heat.

Like my biggest concern is Physics. Mr Ng Kar Kit once said that he didn't expect full passes for A's and that scared the shit out of me cause knowing that if the world is governed by only Physics law, I'd be breaking one after another effortlessly. I am scared, like legit. Never have I been this scared.

I'm seeing some improvement in Maths and that's fine but Physics is my biggest shit man. 2 years in MJC and another 2 years in TK taking Physics, I studied so much of it last term and still that does not suffice. At some point, it's disheartening. It's dissapointing. It's scary.

I have never felt this inferior. This incompetent, that this whole thing is breaking me as a person.

I remembered last year I was doing a similar post while doing orientation proposal. Haha. One year has passed. Nothing much have changed. I used to think when I was 15, my 18th birthday gonna be the shizzz. Like I'm gonna drink and take em weeds and smoke my ass off. Haha I am kidding.

I never really expect anything for birthdays like I think th best gift is just wishing me happy birthday but hell, if you're about to get me a white Volkswagen, by all means don't let me stop you. And when I read my smses and they say "18th", I just can't help feeling this foggy old person who is just very old.

And Kai told me I can have sex already. Of course that's what I'll do in my first hour as an 18 year old cause everything else is not important. Haha. If anything, for th first time I have plans for this one year anh hopefully it'll come through. 17 was alright but I'm hoping 18 is the shizz man.

Happy 18th birthday to me!

All I'm saying is... If it's meant to be, it's definitely meant to be.
I think God is trying to tell me something. It's a cryptic message alright and I'm sure once I decode it, hurhurhur.... Nothing would actually happen la.

But really the odds was one to a million!

Kai you totally know what I'm saying, you kanasai.

I really forgot I wrote that post below. Guess my mind was out of sync with everything else then, which actually happens most of the time. But no worries, I was calm, no damage done. BUT SERIOUSLY MAN WHO THE FUCK SAYS ALL THAT SHIT AT NIGHT MAN? AND ITS JUST SO RAW... SO URGH. THERE'S LIKE EMOTIONS, I HATE BEING IN TOUCH WITH MY EMOTIONS.. AND I DON'T KNOW, A HINT OF VULNERABILITY. I SWEAR IF I EVER CAUGHT MYSELF WRITING THIS KIND OF SHIT IN A PUBLIC SPACE, I'LL GROW MYSELF A DICK.

Anyhoody in the blowfish, I think I did something as a daughter that I am really proud of. Yes, I know its about time right after close to 18 years of my pathetic existence. So there's this Sun Festival happening soon right and my father is like a hardcore fan of Al Jarreau (not Al Qaeda (and omg, I actually think this is straight up funny)). So I had to go through all the trouble of calling Sistic and booking a seat and all but my father being MY father was like, "Okay lah, we do this later, I mean nobody else like him. I'm the only person I know who is a fan."

And we can all draw a couple of lessons from what my father said. One, he needs to expand his social circle cause it's just sad if you only know you. And two, book your tickets early cause if you happen to put it off, you'll be gunning for one of the last 2 seats available for Category 1 and 1 of the seats just gives you the view of the wall instead of the performer. So that means 1 last decent seat.

And you know he so confidently said, "Alah, I'm paying for the most expensive ticket cause he is my most favourite singer of all time. I'll touch him if I could. No one else would pay a price like this. It's just too high!"

As luck would have it, my father got one of the 2 seats left. But here's the dipshit, he got the seat that faces the wall so for the $150 he is paying, he'll be watching the wall than Al Jarreau. Now, I'll charge him $120 with no GST just so he could stare at the wall of my room.

So long story short (maybe not), I was like this shit cannot be happening to my father so I called Sistic again at that instant. And this is when I am ephemerally proud as a daughter (ephemeral because it won't be soon before long my father pisses me off again).


In the middle of the convo,

Sistic Person: No, we do not provide refund or change of booking once it is confirmed. I am sorry.

Me: No no don't be. I understand. But I am looking at Sistic online now and there is 1 availabe seat at F28. The problem is when I was making my booking, I was holding on to this seat but when I pressed next I got seat C1 in my cart instead and that F seat just disappeared.

SP:Oh maybe someone took that seat after your duration expired and now he has put it back because he does not want it. It happens sometime.

Me: Okay if that's the case, how is the view at C1 compared to F28?

SP: It's a clear view at f28 but you must tilt your head a little at c1. But, im sorry maam there is nothing I can do.

Me: I am sure there is something you can do about it. I mean, I made the booking less than 3 minutes ago. There has got to be a way.

SP: No.. there is really...

Me: No, you don't understand. This means a lot to my father. He's been waiting for this guy all his life and my father is 50 plus now, so it has been a long and painful wait. And hes paying so much for this and even you said C1 has a crappy view so I'm sure you would find it in your conscience to magically work something out so this poor old man can get fulfill his life-long dream. [And right here, I was losing my breath cause I was spitting words faster than I could mouthed them]

SP: Okay okay, give me a minute. I'll try.

Me: Wait wait.. who am I talking to?

SP: I am **********.

Me: **********, I would really appreciate your help and I'm sure my father would too. [It always works once you make it personal]


So REALLY LONG STORY SHORT, we got the F ticket. My father was extremely happy and I'm sure it's not because he will get to see Al Jarreau in full view but because I'm such an awesome daughter.

PS: Fong, I can't find your blog again!!!!

So I'm thinking that it's 2 in th freaking morning and if you had down a mug of coffee and did some shit ass physics mcq and then try to get some sleep, chances are you are too unstable to be thinkin straight. So when I wake up in th morning, this will all be a 7hours phase and I'll forgive myself for being a fucktard.

So I'm googling you now and it's so shameful. Told you I moved on and have forgotten everything but things like this only haunt you back when u aren't sleeping. Probably I want to remember how it felt because I remembered it felt nice and special. I felt nice and special because you always know how to say th right thing after saying something stupid. And you are so aware of how I feel though we never really talk for a whole day. You really have a way with words and me. Have always wondered how things would have worked out btwn us if things didn't fuck themselves. Browsed thru old pictures and realised I couldn't look at the photos we took. Don't know why but maybe because I cannot look at your face anymore. Makes me feel uneasy. Strange but until now I never knew what all of that and us were. You are probably my biggest mistake up to date but it was a mistake I enjoyed.

I hope when I read this again I can be calm and not fuck myself over.

I don't know why it's in caps and th font is huge.

SO SUPPOSE YOU FIND THIS PERSON REALLY CUTE AND ALL AND HE/SHE COMES UP TO U WHEN U R IN THE MIDDLE OF A CRISIS. IF YOU'RE NORMAL, U PROLLY FLUSTER AND ALL RIGHT, HOPING YOU DONT SOUND STUPID.

THEN BAM IN THE MIDDLE OF A WELL GOING CONVO U REALISE SHIT, MY PENIS IS HANGING OUT CAUSE MY TROUSERS AINT ZIPPED OR MAYBE MY BOOBS STARING AT YOUR EYES CAUSE MY BLOUSE ISNT BUTTONED.

ALL IM SAYING IS... IT WAS A CLOSE SHAVE REALLY OR I'D BEG THE GROUND TO OPEN UP AND SWALLOW ME.

EMBARASSING MOMENT NO. 867977444637.

it seems like these pointless entries are substiutes for lack of action or drama in my life as of now.

only drama i had yesterday when i couldn't solve a blurdy ionic eqm qn and got all pissed with the universe.

i know, that sad.

i haven't slept since last night and im gg for consultation now and my eyes are extremely heavy.

ok ciao.

im getting very ridiculous with all this no substance post. i shld stop.

I really shouldn't be here but then again, I shouldn't be doing many other things.

GP over and if there is one thing I should learn from this prelims is that, never ever ever do a Singapore based essay. the problem with me is that when I write about things that matter to me, i write it passionately and when it comes to singapore, i become extremely critical.

the question was about terrorism being the biggest threat to singapore and see, instead of focussing on osama and the likes, my mind automatically arranged 3248209482309 other threats singapore face.

and im thinking the case i present for terrorism isn't as strong as my other threats. which really, is a threat to me. was really hoping to nail at least a B again for this prelims but seeing how disastrous it turned out...

anyway, i can't wait for this godforsaken prelims and a levels to be over so i can do a million other things that are of genuine importance.

and something bothering me yo.

Whaddup world. I don't think anyone comes here anymore so it's pretty safe to write my innermost thoughts that are really thought-provoking and challenges the code of norm. Like how hash brown tastes ridiculously good with maple syrup. And how if u hold your pee long enough and finally go, it's as though you'd enter a whole different realm. Or how trying to type something awfully witty but really stupid is extremely difficult on your iPod.

I was just in the mood to be intelligent and argue the case of personal autonomy, the youth culture any the future after the world ends 2012. Guess gotta pass that.

GP tmr. Hope all goes well.

I was sick last thursday and still went to school. Then my dearest friends asked me why I still came so I told them the reason.

Me: Oh, I came for Physics.
Friend: Huh? U came for what?
Me: Physics.
Friend: Huh, really ah?

I never knew my strong feelings about phy were so evident.

hello so i know i've been away lately cause really, things have been crazy.

you know its crazy when i am doing more physics in 1 week than i ever had in my 1.5 years in jc. you know that shit is messed up man.

and if you're wondering why the sudden interest in physics, that is because i scored 19/100 for my phy mye. i know right! and all of you thought i was a genius!! no but seriously, as you can see 19/100 is really not just sad anymore, it's just too funny that it overshadows all my humor. so i have got to study not because there's a sudden interest, but because it is in the view of my best interest.

and if you think i'm talking funny, thats because i was having a schizo argument with myself if capital punishment should be abolished or not. and that meant 6 hours of gp.

i pretty much did okay for my languages but as usual sucked balls for my sciences. and im starting to wonder why i am in the sci course sometimes.

PS: Has, i miss you so much! but knowing the state im in, its better not to meet up first! i have a lot of things to do la!! but i really want to meet you!! (:

alright, see you later alligator

Guess who has the coolestxxz itouch everrxzz?

This came a little late but seriously, i have the coolestxxz itouch everrxzz and don't bother arguing with me cause i still have the coolestxxz itouch everxzz.

On Thursday, I finally got my 16GB itouch and like i've said before, i knew if i really wanted it, i could get it from my father and thing is, I could have gotten it much earlier than thurs but with mid years and all, i figured i'd be better off without it till mye ends. And its true cause i haven't let my itouch off my hands since then.

I love days when we go shopping and when my father is in a relatively well mood cause i can buy almost anything i need which sometimes is a lot. And my mother is the bessttxzz cause she gives in too me alll the time.

I'm such a terrible spender and i told my mom this before but she said she didn't really mind cause she has no one else to spend on other than me. And my father thinks he sooo funny, he said after i get my itouch, i cannot get anything from him for the next 5 years.

Funny luh.

I'm really just rambling here but i don't care. Oh, i heard i got the highest in class for my gp essay and i wasn't there to confirm it cause i was too exhausted to go to school on friday after hardcore shopping on thurs.

I think i want to be a DJ when i graduate. But I was thinking of being a minister also.

Oh anyway, I don't think I'll be updating much for this term cause i really think i need to sit my ass down and get to work. I think 3 months is a pretty decent duration to slog cause really, this is my final chance and if i want to make something out of myself, it has to be now. Or never.

And never seems pretty nice, actually.

k la, i want to play with my itouch. bye homies!

I've been having large doses of michael jackson since last night till right now. Wasn't really a hardcore fan but i have my fair share of addiction to his songs and honestly, almost everyone i know have at least one of his songs on their iPod. its like an unwritten rule. everyone should listen to man in the mirror and ben.

Another unwritten rule is that if i have a paper tomorrow which i hardly studied for the past 48 hours, i should find a way to get ill. fast.

Hello world.

I'm so mad right now. My mother just threw away my 8-years-old-torn-like-a-mouse-been-feasting-on-it-but-ultra-comfy-tshirt. I'm so frreeeeeeeeeeeeeaakkking mad. Hahaha. No, honestly, I'm kinda sad cos I didn't get to say goodbye.

I know you think I'm looney but honestly if you've been looking for that one shirt among all your other clothes in wardrobe for eight odd years... that says a lot about the relationship we had. Okay I'll stop trying to explain myself.

Anyway, I bought 4 more hamsters. 2 white 2 black. 1 of the white is called tweety and the others i call them oi.

And oh, I'm getting an iTouch this Thursday. (:

Bye, Cobbles

When Grabbles died the other day, I knew be soon before long that Cobbles' time will be up too cause we got the both of them around the same time and they were the same age when they came. But thing is, we didn't expect it to be this soon, you know.

Let me tell you what a monster Cobbles was. He was so terribly naughty that when we first bought him, he'd bite every single hand that touched him. He would fight with Grabbles, then fought with Grabbles against Frabbles and eventually made up his mind on which his alliance he wanted to be in. In the end, it was Cobbles and Frabbles against Grabbles. And you thought they only knew how to run on their wheels.

Cobbles and Frabbles lived together and they tried every single day of all conceivable ways to break lose of their house. One night, we found both of them missing because they had torn down the plastic door my father made. Frabbles tortured Cobbles all the time by lying down flat on him while he was sleeping and he would not budge until Cobbles wake up. And when he did, both of them started breaking the 912380912831th door my father made. And they were missing again and again and again....

Then Frabbles had cancer and we thought all this mischief would come to an end but even then Frabbles still forced Cobbles to wake up when he was asleep and they would try escaping again. Then Frabbles' condition became serious and Cobbles always lied down next to him and he would do some funny things to Frabbles' face. He let Frabbles lied down on him on hours on end so that Frabbles could sleep. Cobbles found Frabbles dead one morning and when my mother walked past their cage, he was standing and running, alerting us.

Then Cobbles became reclusive and all he did was trying to fight Grabbles in the other cage. Cobbles would bite every one's finger when they disturbed him but he'd never bite mine to hurt me. I would give him my index finger and he would bite it hard enough so that he would not fall off when I carry him in the air. And when I refused to let him bite my finger, he would chase my hand and look for my finger with his tiny hands. And when he found it, he would bite it much harder and continue placing his teeth there until I carried him up. Get someone else to do that, he would bite the finget till it bleeds.

That's our thing until today. The day he died.

HELLO ANY MJC STUDENTS WHO ARE READING THIS.

I'M TOO LAZY TO GET MY PHONE AND CALL SOMEONE TO ASK THIS SO IF YOU'RE READING PLEASE RESPOND TO THIS.

IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH IVLE? CAUSE I CAN'T ACCESS IT AND I CANT GET THE FREAKING ANSWERS FOR CHEM.

SO IF YOU HAVE LIKE DOWNLOADED THE FILE OR KNOW OF A WAY TO ACCESS IVLE, LET ME KNOW OKAY.

I WILL BE FOREVER GRATEFUL TO YOU.

and i spoke too soon, fever's back baby.

The one time I wanted to do something good with my life.. I fell ill.

I know, I know, being sick is like news older than I like small kids. No, I'm kidding, I don't like small kids that way.

My temperature on Monday morning and we talking, 5 in the goddamn early morning was 38.9. And I was damn terrified cause I thought shit, this has got to be swine flu. This must be H1N1. I'm gonna die. Oh my god, I don't want to die. Thank god, I don't have to take Mid Years.

And I kept silent until 8 something cause I swear if you put marshmallow near me, it'd barbeque just nice. Then I felt one thing that scared the living hell out of me.

My stomach grew like 382974182974098274 inches overnight.

And my left kidney and back hurts so bad, I wanted to cry. And damn, you know that's serious cause I don't cry for nothing. Except for Finding Nemo and Lion King.

All that wasn't the problem. The trouble began only when my mom knew about it.

"Take panadol now. I don't care now. Go lie down. Don't wear your sweater. Don't cover yourself with your blanket. I don't care if you're cold. Nvm, I lie down with you."

At night, my temperature rose to 39.2 and I, in every sense of the word, was hot. Went clinic and all and guess what. It wasn't H1N1 or anything so mild like that.

Diagnosis: Constipation.

It got so bad that I actually had a fever from it. And I clean forgotten the last time I did it that it eventually caught up with me.

So long story short, I had to take 6 constipation skill cause apparently the 1 pill that will sure push all the shit away didn't take effect. So was the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th. That was how terrible it was.

Then finally, last night, I vomitted the whole of the bathroom floor and my stomach deflated substantially. And early this morning, I had the best bowel movement in forever that my stomach was a-ok, temperature became normal and I am good.

So moral of the story boys and girls, take your fibre. And keep track of your bowel movements cause they may track you down and make you pay.

It hurts, I swear.

This afternoon my mom asked what I wanted for lunch...

Me: I want Nasi Goreng but dont want any meat.
Mom: Okay, I buy satay also.
Me: Oh ya, I want satay also. But I dont want any meat on it.

HAHAHAHA. Im like so funny.

Then after studying today, I was playing Google Earth with my parents...

Mom: Lets look at Sun.
Me: Ok but are you sure you want to look at sun? (with concerned look)
Mom: Huh why? (worried already)
Me: Its so hot there we will die!

Then...

Mom: Lets look at Antarctica.
Me: (click click)
Mom: Look! Zoom in!!
Me: What what??!!
Mom: Polar Bear running there!!

-.-

Yup, that's my mother.

I am still doing Physics.

And I am still sad.

Nah, I'm not really that sad cos I realised I still remember most of the things taught last year. And its kinda funny that I enjoy doing Newtonian Physics now when a year ago, I thought it was the worst kind of torture ever created in the history of mankind.

Now, 'enjoy' here is a relative term and I'm comparing it with EM, EMI and all those bull. Now, those are not just torture. They do not make sense.

I hope whoever is studying is having fun doing it. Cause I'm having the best time of my life with Physics!

That's right, don't believe me.

Whenever I study Physics, I get fidgety. And sad.

But I'll do it all the same this time.

You know, Mr Ng Kar Kit, the Head for Physics is so freaking funny. I think he has an unexpected, cold sense of humor. It's like his humor is a sudden random outburst... think of it like the decay shit you learn in Nuclear.

He would band us according to these based on our Mid Year results:

A- Awesome! (A-B grades)
B- Better next time (c, d, e i think)
C- Can make it eventually (s,u)
D- Don't take A level, pls

HAHAHAHA. Omg this is the closest thing I'll ever like in Physics.

And he said something like this when someone couldn't answer his question, "You should ask a 5th grader".

If only Physics is fun.

Right.

OK la, maybe I'll do chem for a bit now.

Honestly, I've clean forgotten I have a blog.

Ok maybe that wasn't completely honest. The thing is, I remember I have a space here but I've been too busy lately to actually bother to write anything. And I doubt there's anyone coming here anymore unless you really really really are obsessing about me. Which, by the way, reflects sound judgement on your part.

So anyhoo, midyears are coming really soon. And I am fast becoming tired of the same routine everyday. I really hope to pass 2 of my H2s at least. And I really want one of it to be Chem.

A levels is coming eh. But I don't feel the heat, if you know what I mean. Like there's no kick man. Like I'm just like this ----> -.-

No I must be scared. Like Oooo Im so scared of Alevels I will pee in my pants kinda scared. It's time to get down on it man.

It's time to get jiggy with it.

No, I mean get serious with it.

Ok, you know what I mean.

I need to get a few things off my chest:

1. I made a decision this year perhaps having much more effect to my A level than I expected. It was an attempt to be an adult and accountable for myself but I think I made the wrong move. And, I do not dare tell my parents because I fought so hard to win this.

2. I think I was cheated into believing that I was the only dumb one.

3. Sometimes when I talk to you about academics, I put down all the defences I have and believe you. But what you say and what happens later are always the anti-thesis and each time, I still believe you. I'm starting to believe you are one of those people you always say you hate.

4. I'm so happy that you got your life back on track, I really do. Now I'm afraid of meeting up and feeling inferior to you.

5. Sometimes I wish you were like this particular person I used to know. I don't know why but it gives me hope.

6. I hate it when my parents are very very very very nice to me out of parental love. That's because i feel very very very very terrible when im mean to them.

7. I hate it how when I use my old phone, I get reminded of you and how my heart beat so fast when I read your sms. Or when I saw your name on my phone screen and I would stop everything i was doing just to read your message again for the 52334798273th time. I moved on alright but the thought of what could have become of us if that episode didn't happen still haunts me.

I figured I better update this space cos I have people smsing me to ask if I am alive. Hoho, would be so funny if i actually replied no.

No, that would not really be funny.

Anyway, I just need to ramble now. And don't pretend you don't like to read my rants; you love it.

Oh guess what. My Omnia died on me. Like my freaaking expensive Omnia which I expected to last me till the next life actually died on me in less than a year. Bloody hell. You know, the problem with touch phones is that once you cannot touch your screen, your phone is just as good as the next junk you find. And you cannot sms without looking at the screen. I hate that. But I've not said anything cause I wanted the Omnia so badly anyway.

And to make things more cheery as it already is. My mp3 is damaging. Again, bloody hell. And my father actually bought me a new ear piece la. So, I kinda tried my luck a bit and asked if he would get me an iTouch and obviously he said no.

But a day later he came and asked if my mp3 was okay and what I wanted to do if my mp3 dies. And he said something about iTouch but I forgot what it was cause I was imagining the prospect of getting an iTouch. I seriously think if I really want an iTouch, I can persuade him enough and I would definitely get it. I think.

And oh oh, speaking of my father, he really is so funny!

During my ankle appt he came into the consultation room,

Doc: And who are you to the patient?
Father: Uhhh.. Uhhh... Errr.... Ok wait. Uhhh.... She's my daughter.

Weird weird.

Yesterday during Maths lecture, we learnt some corelation shit and had to use the GC to calculate some values. So it was something like X is dependent on Y and vice versa and so you can find the values by the GC.

Lecturer: So, if you dont see the Y values, dont worry. just scroll down and its there.
Me: Actually, if you scroll down some more, you'll find values of Z.
Kai Hui: Oh really ah?

OMG.

And the best one during Chem lecture,

Lecturer: Group 7 is the most complicated one in inorganic chem. It has 1001 erections.

OMG THE BEST THING CHEM DELIVERED TO ME IN 2 YEARS.

I was trying to make sense of China's government system and after i read the notes thoroughly, I thought I had it. They have this vertical and horizontal and parallel system and I could distinguish them.

Then I read an article that said "... both the government and the CCP...". And I was like isn't CCP the government? So I wiki it to check and I saw the government in China so I clicked on "Central People's Government" and I was really nervous cause I only heard of Central govt and turns out, it's the same thing.

Then they said the Central govt is synonomous to the State Council and so I clicked on that and it explained itself so clearly that state council is largely with central people's govt. which is the central govt. which is in beijing. which is controlled by the ccp. thus the government is the ccp.

OMG seriously. WHAT??!!

I got sent home from school this morning because I was coughing.

Yeah, get this right. I as in Ama, the champion in the ponning school category was forced to go home by the school. As in the school which I love to skip.

I'm telling you man, seriously, something is wrong with the world today. Affirmative.

Hell, you know something is wrong when they sent ME home. On any other days, I'd escort myself out of the school gates with birds chirping in the back ground and swagger like a winner and I be feeling, "Damn, it's good to feel alive again!".

If you still don't get the picture, here is how it is. I can leave school but the school cannot force me home. Nobody forces a ponner home. See how silly that is.

So, this morning, I got sent to this room at the ground floor with some others who were ill and they told me I had to call a cab and they would escort me to the gates. Imagine how I felt. Let me remind you again that I do not like going to school. And now imagine me waking up against my will, drag my feet to take my towel and walk a short 1m to the toilet. And while all this is happening, I have to constantly tell myself, "No Ama, you have to go to school. You'll learn something today. A levels is this year".

And I have to constantly rebut the more logical side of me that says, "Come on. Look at your mom, she is sleeping. The room is still cold. You can study on your own today. Catch up with everything today".

It doesn't help the bed is very inviting. And for someone who always succumbs to the second voice, coming to school is an achievement in itself! So when my CT said I had to go home, I was like, "Oh man, no this is bullshit". It's a waste of shampoo, soap, perfume and a good sleep. Imagine how terrible I felt.

It was like I got played in my own game.

Joel said it would be very funny if I had swine flu cause I'm a Muslim. And that's true, I mean, I don't even pork! Swine flu, swine flu, you so funny.

And just think about this okay. I know all this temperature exercise thing is a good effort to prevent the outbreak here but if you want to win against this flu, you must think like the swine. Those who have swine flu will not have a temperature cause you don't have fever once you have that virus.

So shouldn't the focus be on those below the trigger temperature (37.5) cause those above it probably just have normal fever or have the H1N1 virus and since you already have a temperature, you're probably on your last phase already.

I think they're taking temperature cause there's no other public way to show we are taking steps. It's like we're doing it for the sake of doing it. So funny.

Whatever la, I'm too psyched in the chaos in school every day with the temperature checking to even bother if all this makes sense!

I've been so so busy these past weeks that I really had no time to blog. And when I actually had time, I was actually too tired so I chose my sleep over blogging. Anyway, I have 2 things to talk about today.

Firstly, I stepped down from council already and you know, it's the kind of feeling you get after you vomitted. After you vomit, you feel bad, it's so painful, unpleasant but after a while it feels good, like a relief. It's the same like council. At first, you'll feel a little out of place, no more morning duties, no more meetings, no more council room, no more staying back till very late at night. But when you get to go home immediately after school ends, you'll feel great. It's wonderful.

But seriously, to the 29 of you, it has been a great honour to be in this journey with you guys. There can be no other council I rather be. No 6, 30 strong and always.

Secondly, my hamster Grabbles passed away yesterday afternoon. He couldn't pee a lot for like 2 days and yesterday, he was extremely weak. It was Labour Day and it was hell hard for me to get a vet cause every clinic is closed but in the end I got one at Balestier. Freaking far. And when we got there, the vet told me he wasn't sick. But, he was dying.

And he was gonna go very soon. That sucks cause I went all the way from Tampines to ulu Balestier to only hear that there is nothing they can do for my hamster because he is dying. Got a taxi home with his cage and all and somewhere near Bedok, I realised while I was rubbing him, there was no more heart beat.

And he's gone on his blanket on my lap.

It's funny cause I told my mom that when our hamsters die, I don't want to be the one to find them dead. And Grabbles is kinda the one I like the most. Cause he's smart and he's really like a baby.

But he's gone.

im starting to wonder what life is like without council.

and im quite scared to imagine because then every single morning is in the absence of the 29 familiar faces.

2 more days.

Its only a short 6 more days to the end of my council term.

Now that im really shagged after doing the script for tomorrow deejaying thing (which is like daily) after coming home late from council, i'm really glad that finally i can go home when the sun is still out and not when its only a few more hours to waking up again.

But during rehearsal just now, when I saw the no 7 getting their postings and all, it really dawned upon me that I'm really stepping down and leaving the organisation that has comprised a majority of my jc life. And now that there are people replacing what i have a responsibilty to, it only felt like yesterday i was assigned the roles.

im gonna miss council, really. but thank god i can start studying properly.

I'm too embarassed to say this.

I dislocated my left ankle during council camp.

Yes okay. Stop making faces, yeah okay, laugh all you want. I know what you thinking... I thought about it too. I am the coolest person alive, I know that.

So you know during council camp, we have this fast march segment at night and we march from school to Pasir Ris Park, to the expressway then to Sunplaza Park then back to school. And all this happens at night. I'm telling you, it's the coolest shit ever.

So while we were at Pasir Ris Park, I offered to help Daryl look for his missing bag and in the midst of the No 7's shouts and my pumping adrenalin and increasing exhaustion, my left ankle inverted and I was like, "%^$$%^$^%$!!!".

And if you remember, I sprained my left ankle too last year so I thought it will go away if I just stopped walking for a while. But it was already at night, and where I was at in the park was far from where the no 6 and no 7 from and you and I know what happens in a park when you are all alone in the dark... you fart if you have to.

No, wait, that's the other thing you could do. What I'm saying is, I was afraid of seeing a ghost or just somehow walked into another dimension altogether. So, to hell with the sprained ankle, I'd better off moving my ass to where the crowd is or that sprain will be the last thing I would ever feel.

So you know, adrenaline pumping and all that shit, you forget pain. You can even forget you're marching in the middle of the night along the expressway when you're ass is better off sleeping at home. And the pain was really bearable so I just continued marching with the rest to Sunplaza Park. And by then it was already like 3 hours since I sprained it, so I totally forgot about it till Daryl wanted me to go back school by the car.

Even then, after we reached school, I could still nap, wake at and bathe at 4am and went back to sleep, walked to the toilet at 7am to brush my teeth and put on my shoes and not feel nothing. But but but, at about 11am I started to feel the pain and when Chee Kian helped me with the ice pack, my left ankle was a bit bent to right.

By 2pm, my left ankle was close to 90 degrees bent to the right and it vibrates like I have some spasm shit going on. But I don't feel the pain of having a bent ankle only sprained kinda pain so I didn't think it was very serious.

And when I was at the hospital, they told me, "Omg, that's gross". And I was like, thank you for sympathising with your patients. And they shamlessly asked me how come my ankle was very bent. In my mind, I was like, if I had known why, I wouldn't be here, I would get someone to push it right back then spending money on a doctor who doesn't even know what the hell happened to my ankle. But all I said was, "You're the doctor. You tell me".

And oh, did I mention that there was this intern in the room from China, I think (because his name screams China like mad) who is so freakishly handsome? I know that doesn't really go hand in hand but miracles do happen.

Yeah so anyway, I had 4 X-rays and they injected pain killer and pushed my ankle back in so now it's kinda straight but it will fall out of position once I let go. And you know what totally makes this the perfect story to tell if you have a friend with a sprained ankle and decides to play hero by continuing to walk on?

I had an allergic reaction of some sort to the pain killer and my right eye is swollen like an egg.

So now, swollen left ankle, swollen right eye... lets see how far this will go.

Hello!

This comes a little too late but in case anyone is wondering about my PW result, it's A.

So, just when I thought something good is actually coming into my life, life comes back and bit me like a good bitch. I trust I don't have to remind you of how accident-prone I can get and if there is ever a 50% probabilty of getting hurt in a non-dangerous activity, I am in the other side of 50%. That's the making of a champion.

Yesterday was the most eventful day I ever had in a week. In the morning, I was listening to The Beatles and of all songs, Hey Jude was on repeat in my head so I didn't do much yesterday except for singing really really loudly and out of tune the whole day. Then at night, I was on the bed reading a book and honestly, that song sticked in my head better than 10 leeches ever could stick on anybody's behind.

So, I was at the right side of my bed and I rolled over, no wait, I kind of violently rolled over to the left and reached out to the floor to get my mp3. So get this, there is a wardrobe on the left side of my bed. Any solid object that is in the proximity of my motion is an interference and thus a probable source of injury.

And true enough, I hit my head on the edge of my wardrobe and I literally, jerked back and was on my back for quite a while. At first, I was so shocked, some kind of adrenalin rush kinda thing. Then when that stopped, everything else did. And that's when I had a lapse kind of thing, you know, like not being aware of what happened at that instant. I blanked out.

When I was concious, my vision was blurred and hell, I was so afraid I hit some kind of nerve thingy that would make me blind or like amnesia, the first thing I instinctively did was shout out my own name. And since I did not shout out "Jessica Alba", I knew I was fine.

But but but, I had a super high fever later, went for check-up and all and I think I'm fine. The only discomfort is that my head hurts, my ear will suddenly gets blocked and then I'd feel a poking kinda thing in both ears. But other than that, I'm good.

Anyway, my ulcer is gone! Something's gotta give.

Secretly, I'm worried that there's some damage in my brain.

I'm thinking whether to go to school tomorrow or not. I've not been feeling well since last Thursday and my fever is like on-off kinda thing oh but the ulcer on my tongue is getting better but but but, there's a new one at the tip of my tongue now.

Anyway, I really really really hate it when someone wants me to do something and they'll go, "If you really care about ____, then you'll do it". Or like, " I understand if you dont want to ____ but if it really means a lot to you, you would do it."

Smart move if you want someone to do something really nasty. But really, do you think by passing such a statement, I'd actually do whatever you want me to do just because I have to prove to you that whatever that thing is really is important to me. Cause if I go the other way, it shows I don't really care about it.

Like exxxcccuuuuussseeee me, who are you?! There was this once, someone said to me, "If you really care about this project, you'll do it". Knowing full well that I care about the outcome of the project, cause excuse me, I put in most of the effort and she just sashayed in, hoping someone would assume her brain is squeezed dried, she dare tell me "If I really care.."!

I remembered telling her "I really care about this project but I won't do it because I don't have to prove anything to someone who don't matter... like you". She cried and didn't want to friend me. We were in Primary 4.

I was so mean even then. Oh goodness.

Moral of the story, if you want me to do something, just tell me nicely. If I like you enough, I'd do it.

PW results tmr!

i deleted because i realised i am just an angry kid deep inside. and i have many things to be grateful and thankful about but im just angry. which is very strange.

mbt results are screwed. was expecting to at least pass chem but oh man, i got a U instead.

anyway, i have an ulcer on the bottom side of my tongue to the left. its like at the bottom but near to the corner. so everytime i move my tongue it rubs against my gum or tooth, i cringe. and then swear. and then cringe again because it hurts when i talk.

peace and quiet for many people arnd me.

klabye. very painful la.

today's shopping was everything but good. well, today was anything but good.

im getting easily angry these days and i hate that. cos i have to continue being mad with my parents once i argue with them. even when im no longer angry.

its so tiring to be angry.

finally bought my contacts. that was the beginning of my foul saturday.

may tomorrow be a better one.

Oh yes, physics got me good.
No, this time, it really really got me good. It took me in and it screwed me upside down for 3 hours.

It was almost like I got raped by physics.

China tmr!

Funny like shiiiat

2 funniest thing happened today. Well actually not that funny but you know, things always look better in relative.

while ordering pizza on the phone,

Me: ... yes, block 489A.
Guy: 489H?
Me: No no, A as in Apple.
Guy: Oh okay, so its 489H.
Me: No not H. A for apple.
Guy: OHHH!! A for America.


While looking at my hamsters,

Me: grabbles is lazy, look he is stoning. (points to Grabbles who sat and stoned)

10 minutes later,

Dad: eh he's very lazy la, still steaming.

Yen Sin, I solved that chem qn already after i stopped being so pissy. Haha, thanks anyway!

I can only do chemistry. And maths.

In fact, I've only been doing chemistry and maths.

And i'm done hating physics. I spent a year (if you dont count my sec school years) hating it and now I'm very tired. Hating physics is no longer fun. And now when I'm really trying to get into the physics frame of mind, I just get brain freeze.

No, really. My brain just stops functioning. And slowly, I can feel that my oxygen supply is depleting, my eyes turn red, and it starts to pop out and you can see the veins on my temple and then I turn green. And then.. bam! I am the Hulk.

Shit im so not funny.

I no longer am funny after I do Physics.

This is such a stupid post. told you my brain froze.

I am so sad that sad does not qualify the sadness that I am in. I am just sadded.

HAHA. I'm so bullshit.

Actually, I'm so pissed that I could not solve this chem deductive question. Seriously man, seriously. If that organic compound test positive for 2,4-DNPH it means it is a carbonyl. If it tests positive for Tollen that freaking means that bullcrap isn't ketone because it is aldehyde. Now now, if it tests negative for Fehling, then that compound is not aliphatic thus it is an aromatic aldehyde.

At this point, I am freaking happy like I'm on weed cause I solved the greatest chemisty mystery ever.

But something just had to break my bubble. Some goddamn ass tried to be funny and put in the question that is, btw, so flawed that this compound reacts with alkaline iodine and give yellow colour and a distinct smell. Any retard would know that means it tests positive for oxidation (iodoform test) and that means this muthafucking compound has to have an R grp-c=0 and a -ch3 attached to the c atom.

And the only aldehyde that can test positive for iodoform test is ethanal.

HOW THE SHIT DO YOU HAVE A BENZENE RING WITH A CH3 GRP ATTACHED TO YOUR C=O AND STILL TEST POSITIVE FOR TOLLEN?!!!

I'm sure all that we're learning now is a universal conspiracy. Nobody actually knows what they're teaching. Their teachers convince them that its correct and our teachers convince us it's correct. We never really know if it's correct.

We can never be really sure if 1 plus 1 is 2. Maybe that sandwich you're holding isn't chicken in it. Maybe chicken isn't chicken. Maybe chicken is goldfish.

Ok i'll just shut up right about.. now.

I never had thought that this weekend would be the most defining moment of my 17 years of life. Weekends are supposed to be a waste of 48 hours and you are supposed to get lost in it but mine turned out to be so momentuous that it took me offguard.

The worst kind of situation one can ever land in is to choose between two things. It would be hell a lot easier if one of the two has no value to you for in that case, your choice is clear and you have no reservation in making your stand. But what if out of the two, both matters?

I honestly wished no one has to go through this.

On Friday night, I saw a cat on top of a hamster cage outside of a shop neap Mr Prata. Don't get me started on why anyone would have the heart to leave a hamster all alone in his cage at night, shivering in cold. This cat was eyeing on the hamster and anyone would know what that means. The hamster was to the cat like the prata was to me.

I could not concentrate on eating my prata because that hamster kept climbing the gates of his cage while the cat kept scratching the cage. I swear the way the hamster was teasing the cat (and being stupid) was like the most intense foreplay ever.

And you know that I likexzzz both hamster and cat but at that point it was war between the two with some twenty humans with the exception of myself being so close to the battle ground but eating away in oblivion. It was war and in war, you have to choose a side.

And so when I saw the cat trying to kick the cage off the table, I ignored the other patrons and quickly ran to shoo the cat away. And I just stood there as the poor cat purred with eyes brimming with what I think is disappointment rather than hate.

I freaking saved the hamster. But I felt so bad for the cat whom I have named Bobby (yes again) and fed him the longan in my mom's drink.

I'd kill for the drama one more time.

Anyway, I have a stiff neck and I have GP paper tmr.

i just finished revising nitrogen compounds and am thinking of doing proteins. but im also thinking of taking a break and be happy for a little while.

i was thinking and i think once this recession shit is over, which i know will take sometime, or wait cancel that. i think once i start working next year or something, i'll get me an iphone.

its not that i dont like omnia. its just that im not omnia kinda girl. ok shut up, i still dont know how to use my omnia completely. i hate touch phones with the exception of iphone because its iphone.

i dont really like my omnia. there i've said it.

phew.

I skipped school today because I have not completed my maths and physics assignments. I'm such a pussy man. Deep inside, I am so ashamed of myself because 17 years old already and still pon school cause scared teacher scold.

Actually, I was not scared really. I just anticipated that the assignments will take up a lot of my time and this week is a pretty hectic one especially with SDS. So when I woke up today at 745, I washed up, made coffee (i convinced myself that coffee is like fuel) and fell asleep again while waiting for the water to boil.

I know. I know. I'm that pathetic.

So woke up again at 945 and I had to reboil my water and this time I made sure I did not lie down with my mother again. My mother has this unseen force that just pulls you to sleep with her when you just intend to sit on the bed. Anyhoo, I made coffee and at 10 plus I got to work. By 1pm, I finished all my assignments already.

And I cannot believe I pon just for 3-hours work. I should really shoot myself.

But whatever la, I love days without school. It makes me feel human.

I have finally discovered the value of time. What one second can make, what one second can break. The profound impact one second can have on the rest of your lives.

This is the story and let me warn you it's really anti-climax.

I was bathing, getting ready for school and at that point, when i was shampooing my hair, i've always feared that when i open my eyes, there'll be something standing, floating, sitting (you get my drift) in front of me. That is the secret to bathing in less than 5 minutes.

So anyway, after all that, I was contemplating whether to cleanse my face for the second time (i have that strange habit) or just get dressed straightaway but because everyone knows how lazy i am, i chose to get out. So, immediately after i stepped out of the toilet, my mother rushed in. and THAT, was when it happened.

A COCKROACH FLEW INTO THE TOILET FROM THE WINDOW AND FLEW ALL OVER THE TOILET!

Can you imagine what would have happened if I actually decided to cleanse my face again?!

OMG.

That is my understanding of the value of time and above anything, that is the beauty of sloth.

I knew something good would eventually come out from my being so goddamn lazy.

I hate headaches. It makes me really weak.

Its the bloody weather la. Apart from me, I know 4 other people who are down with fever n flu.

Bodoh ah.

Then there Physics SPA tmr and thurs due for china research essay.

Double bodoh ah.

Yesterday, I had sore throat and the kinda irritating cough you get when you want to but you cannot and there's like dust particles sticking on your lungs. And it made me so annoyed cause it was so hard to sleep and we all know the importance of a good sleep.

So last night, I had the worst time trying to fall asleep cause the eyes were heavy and the mind was exhausted but each time I drift into my slumber, my throat itches and I cough so hard that my throat felt like it was on fire. And my head throbs from the violent coughs and sneezing, i was tempted to take a Panadol.

Oh in case you didn't know, I rather put up with a week of agony than take my medicine. I cannot stand the bitterness of medicine. And I'm scared of it.

So when I woke up this morning, i took a panadol and that says a lot about the discomfort i was in. Woke up again with the bitchiest throat ever and a nose that is running faster than a Kenyan.

And oh, that got me thinking that I'd take fractured arm/sprained ankle any day than some stupid flu.

So you know right, I've been analysing myself, deciphering my own words, decoding my every movement.. you know, the basic things you would do when you are trying to figure out how God's best creation works. And lets not get to the technicalaties of it cause I would lose you cause damn, I am complex.

And I lost my train of thoughts.

Oh yes, so while doing the above, I discovered something about myself. No, strike that. I did not discover- just found something concrete that affirmed my discovery of 837218371298371 years. And this is it..

My eyes and my mind seem to not be able to coordinate. And as such, I tend to abuse and often misuse these terms- "hot" and "sexy". My eyes see something not really of those qualities but like any other malfunctioned brain, my mind screams "hot" and "sexy" and I hyperventilate.

To further substantiate my claims of defection on my part, I find hotness and sexiness in all the wrong places/people. Places, not much honestly but often, people really. Like for example, I find this one person really really sexy cause he is so mysterious since he doesn't do anything that suggests amiability.

But seriously, friendly is so overrated! Lets all be cold and mean so we can all be sexy.

I'm praying this is yet another phase but knowing me, this may take a while.

I've been so busy.

And as usual, I hate physics. And I'm getting this vibe that Physics hates me too.

Old news baby.

Bye.

So here's the deal right.

Injury no. 3274892173192837928: Numb left hand; Unable to raise hand without expletives.

And I heard you say, what's new?

Honestly, I have no idea what the hell happened to my hand but I do remember knocking it against something on Sunday. Something because I knock myself against every possible object in my proximity to the extent I cannot even remember if it's the drawer, the door, the table leg or my father.

But it sure hurts like hell and we all know what a brave person I am so I thought and still am telling myself this shit will go away in due time and there's not a need to go to the doctor. Last time I went there with a minor fractured right hand, they used force and violence to get my hand moving again and supposedly, loosen it and the only thing that was loosen was my patience.

So, I'm not going in there again. Hopefully la.

Anyhoo, I have a Physics test tmr, CSE SBQ to submit plus summarised reading materials and the same shit with GP. Oh my god, it's no wonder I wish I was stupid instead of lazy.

And I have too many encounters with animal abuse cases of late that I think it's a divine call for me to step up and save the bears in the wild and the monkeys on the table of restaurants in China waiting for their brains to be sliced open and devoured.

I think I'll volunteer at ACRES or SPCA maybe but I don't think I'm ready to see real animals with real wounds. It's just too much for me la. But I'll keep that thought.

Oh my mother just told me she is taking me for X-ray this Friday. HAHA.

oh shit.

I am so tired. Drained physically and mentally. Largely in the mind but drained all the same.

It's only the beginning of the year but I feel like I've done this for the longest time and every day is turning into a tormenting bitch. Each morning, I anticipate for the end of the day and each Monday, I know I'd die just to have this academic year over with.

School sucks. And I mean it now more than ever.

I hate the pace of lecture in school esp chem lectures. It's so freaking fast 99% of the time I get lost while trying to catch up and the other 1% of the time, I got too tired trying to catch up, I let myself get lost. A's is at the end of the year not next week dammit.

And there has never been a day that passed without myself revering at my sheer brilliance of even hatching a thought to take up Physics. What the hell was I thinking, trying to change the world, eh?

Ah, I'm just very frustrated at so many things that in the end, I don't know what to be angry with. It's like I have the longest PMS ever.

Don't you feel that Saturday has a nice ring to its name? It sounds like joy in the background, teeming with the possible hope for you to catch up with whatever that have left you behind during the weekdays and the temptation to just be a sloth and let whatever that have left you behind forget you completely.

Oh yes, Saturday mornings are the best.

The post-Orientation ordeal continues to bite me where it hurts most. There's a million things to do and understand and even then, I'm sure I have left something out. And there's also the need to bake brownies for Monday. Oh mamma mia.

If I can get thru this weekend, I can get married already. No, that's a little too ambitious. Let's try conquering the world first. One step at a time.

Anyway, I hate the SPCA posters in school. No, please don't get me wrong, I'm all for raising awareness on the surge of abuse cases and strongly for decapitating the dickheads responsible for it but the pictures are a little too gory for my liking.

There was this picture where they left very little to the imagination when they showed a bloody wound on a dead dog and I was like swept with horror and disbelief but nothing could have prepared me for the next one; okay, you know every HDB has this pole thingy where the firemen can turn the 'wheels' and water will flow into the hose they attached to. Some monsters put a dead cat on top of the wheels, hanging without mercy.

And the moment I saw that, I was like I'm taking home all stray cats I see. But really, that picture was the most disturbing and triggered my stubborn tear glands to work.

On a side note, my tear glands are a bit too active these days and I don't even know why.

Why would anybody want to hurt such cute and adorable creatures? It's just preposterous and a strong indication of insanity. Personally, these people should just die. No that would be letting them off too easily. They should be mutilated slowly and fed to the tigers which I'm very certain the tigers would be upset since they would have to eat 2nd grade shit meat.

But seriously la, if you are reading this and you are an animal-abuser, please do us a favour and grab the nearest sharp object and let it touch your warm skin where you can feel the pulse of your depressing life and slowly run the object across. Thank you so much for doing this one favour to the world. No, we won't miss you.

I told someone (can't rmb who) I wanted to be a volunteer at the SPCA but he told me I would not make it thru a day cause there are animals who are in very bad condition and posters worse than those in school at every corner and turn of the place. I would break man.

My hamsters abuse me like mad; Grabbles bit my index finger so hard it bleed like crazy and the only abuse I did was taking out his tissue box, his tunnel, his food andpushed his whole house to one corner. And I thought he would be repentant so I opened his doors and next thing you know, the little devil ran all the way to the door, bit my finger and tried to pull it into his house.

Now, now, exceptions are inevitable. And this is an exception to abuse cases. :)

OMG. Just when I thought I could be happy, something broke my bubble today.

I am so freaking lagging in my studies like I don't know how I'm gonna salvage the situation. I've always been good at catching up with nonsense like this but I think this is the most challenging catching up I have faced to date.

Physics they almost finishing electric field yet I'm still struggling with potentiometer.
Chemistry they are are at carboxylic acid and I'm just at qn 2 of my halogen derivative.
Maths is already at a new topic which I forgot its title cause I'm too worried that I may not finish my definite integral in time.
Lets not get started on CSE cause my results getting disgusting.

I.Am.So.Busted.

And there's 2 tests next week.
And Phy SPA tmr.

Oh.Somebody.Shoot.Me.Dead.

Orientation 2009 is frigggin over biaaatch!!!

God knows how much I've been wanting this Orientation thing to be over. I've wanted it to be over before it even started so needless to say, I am so relieved, ecstatic, satisfied and glad that it's all over and done and we put on a good show, more importantly.

As a 2nd I/C for Orientation, I stand by my words that the whole preparation and build up towards the event was as tiring as hell and was largely not pleasant at all especially when plans were changed ever so often! We were kept busy for 6 months and for this 6 months we ate, slept and breathed Fortitude. But, in retrospect (because even the nastiest shit looks good in retrospect), I have gained so much knowledge during this preparation. You look beyond fun. You think feasibility, safety and the welfare of those involved. And sometimes, things don't go as the way you planned but you must know the show has to go on. O Comm, the whole journey with you guys this whole time has been the most tiresome but the most memorable for me. We pulled this whole thing off guys. Thanks Edwin, Mel, Yi Hui, Bixuan, Suan Kai, Chee Kian.

As a 1st I/C for ROCK O.N, I took it upon myself to end Orientation on a freaking high note. Though personally, it was tough for me to get the act together especially when my segment is the last one for this whole crazy event and everyone around me had reached their limit, I really thought that night wasn't bad at all, in fact from how I saw it, the freshmen danced, cheered and sang the college anthem the loudest I ever heard so Orientation ended extremely well for me. Ke Hui, seriously without you this whole thing wasn't possible at all and I would have just died long ago so now I owe you a mega huge bubble tea! Kamal, thanks for getting the judges! Samuel thanks for helping out Atiqah with the music! And Mai, you've done a lot for this finale so don't you cry okay, we wouldn't have the invites if it were not for you!

Atiqah, thanks you super computer woman for handling the AV really really well and the narration times were darn funny!

Personally for me, yesterday was the 1st time since I stepped into MJC that I sang the college anthem the loudest and it was with pride like a Meridian. That was also when I felt the most attached to the 6th Student Council.

No 6, all that happened during this time had allowed us to know ourselves and one another better. Remember that we are one force and we are 30 strong. 30 and nothing less.

4 days down, 2 more to go!

Every day for this week, this has been my daily schedule.

0500 Wake up, tell myself i hate waking up
0515 Alarm rings, call Kehui
515-545 Bathe/Get dressed
545-555 Talk to my parents/say bye to my hamsters
555-602 walk to bus stop
604 Bus comes
604-622 Bus Journey
0622-2006 In school
2015 My father fetch me home
2030 reach home/ wash up/play with hamsters
2045-2100 dinner
2100-2200 council stuff
2230 sleep

Don't you wish you were me!

Orientation is killing me. It's not even the real thing yet I want this to be over quickly.

And I cannot stand this one person, it's almost to the point I'm avoiding this person cause it'll just make my day from perpetually bad to worst.

I'll save this for another post la.

2 days down... 4 more days to go! -.-

Orientaion preparation is killing me.

I'm lagging in my studies, my life and my sleep.

And you know, these few days, I've been having dreams of Orientation and last night, I dreamt on the actual finale day, I forgot to print my prog and i forgot to inform my comm on what to bring and do just because I fell asleep!

Ohmygod. I'm terrified!

And on Maths lecture last Friday, I fell asleep while copying some integration bullshit and when I woke up I realised I wrote, "interaction" and "manpower" on my paper.

OH my god. Please let orientation be over and done with and let it be fine.

MY IQ

So you know, I've been doubting my sheer intelligence for a long time coming now and honestly, it's getting disturbing.

Deep down, I have always known I am a genius whose intelligence is beyond compare and if any of you weakling were brave enough to stand next to me, I'll burn you in my presence cause my intelligence is just too overwhelming. I'm good just like that.

And if you were to be so silly and used me as a benchmark for heaven knows what reason, I knew for the longest time, you will never overcome or at the very very least meet the mark cause your expectation is sky high darling. For the sky is the limit and yours truly is the sky.

That was my ego talking.

I mean I know I'm all that (HAHA) but I know I can't be as good as all that. I'm just too human for that.

But but but, today of all days, I've discovered my purpose here and realised my true calling. And since 4 minutes ago, life has never been any better.



I just wanna say to all you haters who thought I was stupid, you are absolutely right cause I'm stupid when compared to the Universal Genius which happens to be the paramount in the Genius sphere. And guess who's before that?

REGIONAL GENIUS a.k.a ME!!

In all honesty though, nobody thought I was stupid, at least I like to think so. I mean, they have no reason to right!! And honestly again, I'm so surprised by my IQ cause I know it's good but I didn't expect it to be finger-licking good!

This must be one of the rare days I'm smart.

My father took the test too and lets just say when he and my mother made me, I didn't just take their genes; I took their brains too.

OMG. I'm so mean! But whatever la, it's my father and his IQ is lower than mine and I expected it all along but if it were to turn out different, I'll run away from home.

My mother refused to take the test cause I think she knows what's good for her (HAHA). Ignorance is bliss la.

OMG. Somebody stop me! Somebody stop the Regional Genius! (i just had to sorry)

This is my 200th post and it's a depressing post.

Have you ever done something that inititally you felt so good about but in the end, you just wished you had not done it?

And no, I'm not talking about sex but technincally, come to think of it, it is a little like sex.

Okay I don't know, I never had sex before.

Amalina please shut up now.

Amalina, you shouldn't have gotten yourself into this whole shit la. You see, you just knew you shouldn't cause you cannot handle my emotions well and it doesn't help that the only thing you're good at is dissing.

The last time this happened it got you good. And you swore you keep a safe distance from all the drama for as long as you could. But you could not hold out for long apparently. Have you forgotten how agonising the first few days were and yet you subject yourself to such torture again?

And thank heavens this time was in the early days so things shouldn't be so ugly but know that it's painful all the same. You are so stupid; it's almost I don't recognise you.

The next time this happens, please take some time to read this post again and be reminded.

So, this year, I've aimed to buy things on my own using my own money.

Yes, thank you for having confidence in me, Mr/Ms Sceptical.

No but really, I've come to this realisation that I take things for granted way too much and it's getting unhealthy. And it doesn't help that I want everything I see everytime I'm out and it certainly does not help with all these talks on recession and people dying on 2012.

Actually, nobody said that we would die on 2012 to me but I have this strange inclination of wanting to believe the Aztech. And if they are true, why the hell am I still studying, I only have 3 years to waste my life.

I digress.

So, I've thought. 17 years on and I don't know how to cook rice, don't iron my clothes, don't wash my clothes, don't clean my room and don't give a damn about many things but still am a remarkable genius, something has to be wrong with me, no?

And thus I've come to the conclusion that each time I see something I want to buy, I'll save up and get it but of course, if my mother/father offers to get it, I will kindly obliged. Haven't you heard of filial piety?!

My short term aim to save up to get a monthly disposable contact lens. And I can easily get it in a week if I don't spend at all. So, last week I spent nothing in school and I already had $50 but but but, I bought my father a surprise birthday cake and all, so it's back to square one.

Can you say 'sacrifice'?

And this week, I've saved up too but because, actually there is no because, I spent some cash in school so by the end of the week I had $30. So, not bad right another $20 plus, I can get the contacts already.

But yesterday, my mother and I were out having lunch and we thought she should try looking for a handbag she wants. So, I thought, I'll help her look and look and look and kabaam! My eyes met it. It's brown skin and I knew it was love at first sight. But, you see, a Renoma always ranges 100plus to 300plus and I will never spend that much on a bag. Okay, maybe not now but the point is, I have a goal in mind which is to get my contacts.

So, since the bag would definitely be out of my league, what harm can checking out the price do, right?

It was going for $29 and my mom and I was like, "Oh maybe they left a 1 in front of it," but apparently not. Cause remember the $30 I had? Now, I have $1 left.

Can you say 'bodoh'?

But not really bodoh la cause it was as good as stealing it and it is so gorgeous, I just had to. Now I have to wait for another week before I get the contacts. And my mom still can't find a handbag. HAHA. I told you I'm just that good.

You should try earning your own money, it just makes you want to spend other people's money.

You know, I was thinking and feeling.

And thinking and feeling again real hard.

And I've come to the conclusion that maybe, just maybe, I'm in love.

No please don't take me seriously cause half of the time I don't even know what I feel. I can't even tell the need to shit from menstrual cramp so I don't deserve to be taken seriously. Only because I tell you not to.

And you see, when it comes to hating, I'm the champion but when it comes to liking someone, I just can't do it that well.

Like I call people I really care about as "losers". But if you get this from me once in a while and there's no consistency, that means you are a loser. No two way about that.

I don't even know why I'm telling you all these but I think my heart skips a beat a lot now and honestly, it's getting uncomfortable.

But, please don't tell anybody, I'm enjoying this a tiny tad.

Now, who wants to be hated by me?

I couldn't find Bobby today :(

I'm really sad.

Thank god I still have hamsters to make fun of.

Okay bye.

Oh, eat your fibre please people. Take it from me.

It's only the first week of school and I feel like I've been doing this since forever. School is so exhausting. And I hate it.

But I guess you already knew.

Anyway, today is my father's birthday! Oh technichally it was Friday la but anyway, you know it is so hard to find a place to celebrate his birthday. Like for example, on my mom's we always go to swensens cause she really likes it there. And my birthday, well, mine is the easiest cause I don't care where we go as long as it's small and simple. And it really helps if you hate the idea of getting older cause your mood is dampened and wherever you go, it does not matter cause you're just praying you'll be in attendance for your next birthday.

So, it was supposed to be a surprise dinner for him and my mother and I couldn't decide where to go so she called him and told him she's not cooking and all. And my father, being my father, said, "anywhere also can eat la". Then we couldn't decide on where to go and because I had to call him a million times, even a bodoh knows what's going on la.

In the end he wanted to go Simpang to eat chili crab. No cake. His fried rice and chili crab. That's how a real man celebrate.

Anyway, I was about to blog about how rotten my day was but, something happened really pleasant happened on the way home!

So you remember how I said I've always wanted a cat?

There was this stray cat- actually he isn't that stray cause he (I'm assuming it has penis) and I always see each other when I go to school in the morning and I always said hello to it so we already have a thang going.

So I saw Bobby (that's the name I gave him) again on the way home and I said hello. Next thing I know, the cutest thing was behind me until we reached home. And honestly, I was so afraid my mother wouldn't let me play with him and all but because I'm Ama, I ignored her while she nagged.

So I gave Bobby a bowl of water and like a minute later, my mother came complete with a bowl of milk and bread for Bobby. I honestly think my mother has difficulty understanding herself too.

Dad and Mom: Why you call him Bobby? How you know he's a boy?
Me: I call all animals Bobby. If he's a girl, I'll call it Boobie.

Happy birthday ba! You dont even know my blog url.

This is Bobby. Or maybe Boobie.

I cannot believe I'm going to school at 630am tomorrow.

Usually, I'm only up and about 6 hours later. Now, tell me how I'm supposed to do things that I normally do in school when for the past approx 2 months, my brain only starts functioning at noon.

Have I by any chance told you how much I hate school?

I hope I don't get lost while on the way tomorrow.

Good bye late nights, good bye lazing around, good bye life.

No, but seriously. Lets hope I get my shit together this year. Lets hope I'll remember there's A levels waiting for me in 1o months.

Oh, this is gonna be a looooooooooong year.

p.s i did about 82% of my hol hw. guess where the majority of the 18% rests on?

My skin is so itchy.

So so itchy.

It's so itchy, i want to scratch it and watch as blood flows out of the wounds.

But that would hurt so much. Okay maybe no scratching.

Anyway, I cried when Jim died on Ghost Whisperer. Please tell me someone else cried too cause I'm having some chemical imbalance. I cry when I hear good, uplifting songs, when people win something, when I see the news coverage on Gaza, when somebody else's husband died in a purely fictional show.

But I couldn't cry when somebody walked out of my life or when getting my skin burnt.

Something is wrong with me. OMG. I'm gonna die.

Please ignore me. The itch is getting unbearable, I need to distract myself.

What did you have for lunch? Oh wow. That sounds disgusting. I hope it tasted better than it sounds.

Anyway, I was thinking of not sleeping tonight and just watch youtube. The thing is, I know I would scratch my face once I'm asleep and there's not a thing I can do once it starts bleeding.

So, to counter this problem, we shld get to the root of the problem. Thus, the solution of not sleeping.

Are you bored now reading on things that don't matter to you? Cos, I'm quite bored typing out my thoughts.

Will update the links soon and reply the tags. Haven't done that for a while.

See you later, alligator!

The surgery promised the looks of Halle Berry.

And look at what happened to me...

This was right after the surgery and my eyes and face became so swollen, I had trouble carrying my head and opening my eyes while walking out.

So, anyway, remember how I was so excited practically counting the hours to the surgery? You know what, that was stupid. And dumb. And involved no infliction of pain of any sort on the skin or on the mind. The surgery however, was the anti-thesis cause it was brilliant and fucking painful.

I say fucking cause the word "too", "extremely" or anything of that nature does not come even 10 miles to the real pain I felt. You know how I feel about profanities. (HAHA.)

And have I mentioned how scheming and cunning these dermatologists are?

During my previous consultation, they told me the laser would be painless and I wouldn't have to worry about feeling my skin actually burning while I just sit there and do nothing. I became suspicious cause lets face it, good surgery and no pain, now that doesn't come around everyday. So he explained, they will apply a cream over my affected skin and after 1 hour, a pain-free laser surgery will be on the way.

Still, too good to be true right?

But I was too deluded to get my skin problem solved and I thought, this surgery would be so easy, I can do my 539482309482 Physics MCQ holiday homework while he lasers my face.

Now, now. Tell me if you ever had gotten 'cream' injected into your skin and the idea of injecting does not make you a) wanna run out of the centre and leave your parents clueless and b) feel pain all over the body even at places they won't be touching.

I am actually pretty good with injections but never had one on the face before and didn't really plan to for the rest of my life.

That's what I got. Instead of cream being applied on my skin, I had anaesthetic (i cant be bothered if there's spelling error) injected into my face. And no, not once, not twice but 4 bottles of it.

So ordeal's over right? Cause the injection means painless laser surgery right?

My ass. I could feel the intense heat from the laser, alright. And I jolted everytime it touched my skin and the doctor thought I was having a shock but the truth was, I could feel every joule of heat touching my skin and not just touching, burning, burning till I was looking down at myself lying down on the bed from the top of the room.

Okay, that didn't happen. But it would make a good story.

What happened was, I just shouted and go "ooh ooh, i can feel that" and when the pain became torture, I asked, "is it supposed to be this painful cause i think i may be damaged permanently".

In the end, they gave me 8 bottles of that useless chemical cause first, what the hell happened to painless surgery cause I could smell the burning of skin while I laid down waiting for the firemen to barge into the doors any minute and the terrifying sound of the laser wasn't helping (it sounds like.. "whoooooosh" really loudly) and second, there was no way I could have done my Physics MCQ in that kind of environment.

But the best part is this,

Doctor: On a scale of 1-10, how painful is this? *lasers off my skin, prentending not to sense my discomfort*

Me: Oooh, ouch, I feel that. Urm.. 12.

Moral of the story: With such intolerable pain, tummy tuck, butt lift and all that is out of the question.


And I can't be outdoors for 2 weeks. Just in time for school. Just nice for me to complete my homework.

something tells me i will regret putting these extreme makeover pictures cause they're just too gorgeous.

I'm a little late on this but HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I used to have so much excitement for new year cause I regarded it as an opportunity to start afresh and what is new year without your endless list of resolutions right. Like, I just write things on and on almost in a trance like I've forgotten I am not Ultraman and as though I really would work my ass off to fulfil these resolutions.

This is coming from a girl who finds bathing an utter chore.

So anyway, went cycling with the family today and that was nice. Really nice. Only that I made them walk all the way from Macs to the East Coast eating area.

Oh tomorrow is my surgery! I've been waiting for it for a long time and honestly, I'm a tad terrified but you see, I've been wanting this like my whole life so that alone should keep me alive.

I need to stop blogging now cause my thighs hurt and my calves aching.

Lets hope 2009 kicks ass.

Toodles darlings!