I need to get a few things off my chest:

1. I made a decision this year perhaps having much more effect to my A level than I expected. It was an attempt to be an adult and accountable for myself but I think I made the wrong move. And, I do not dare tell my parents because I fought so hard to win this.

2. I think I was cheated into believing that I was the only dumb one.

3. Sometimes when I talk to you about academics, I put down all the defences I have and believe you. But what you say and what happens later are always the anti-thesis and each time, I still believe you. I'm starting to believe you are one of those people you always say you hate.

4. I'm so happy that you got your life back on track, I really do. Now I'm afraid of meeting up and feeling inferior to you.

5. Sometimes I wish you were like this particular person I used to know. I don't know why but it gives me hope.

6. I hate it when my parents are very very very very nice to me out of parental love. That's because i feel very very very very terrible when im mean to them.

7. I hate it how when I use my old phone, I get reminded of you and how my heart beat so fast when I read your sms. Or when I saw your name on my phone screen and I would stop everything i was doing just to read your message again for the 52334798273th time. I moved on alright but the thought of what could have become of us if that episode didn't happen still haunts me.

I figured I better update this space cos I have people smsing me to ask if I am alive. Hoho, would be so funny if i actually replied no.

No, that would not really be funny.

Anyway, I just need to ramble now. And don't pretend you don't like to read my rants; you love it.

Oh guess what. My Omnia died on me. Like my freaaking expensive Omnia which I expected to last me till the next life actually died on me in less than a year. Bloody hell. You know, the problem with touch phones is that once you cannot touch your screen, your phone is just as good as the next junk you find. And you cannot sms without looking at the screen. I hate that. But I've not said anything cause I wanted the Omnia so badly anyway.

And to make things more cheery as it already is. My mp3 is damaging. Again, bloody hell. And my father actually bought me a new ear piece la. So, I kinda tried my luck a bit and asked if he would get me an iTouch and obviously he said no.

But a day later he came and asked if my mp3 was okay and what I wanted to do if my mp3 dies. And he said something about iTouch but I forgot what it was cause I was imagining the prospect of getting an iTouch. I seriously think if I really want an iTouch, I can persuade him enough and I would definitely get it. I think.

And oh oh, speaking of my father, he really is so funny!

During my ankle appt he came into the consultation room,

Doc: And who are you to the patient?
Father: Uhhh.. Uhhh... Errr.... Ok wait. Uhhh.... She's my daughter.

Weird weird.

Yesterday during Maths lecture, we learnt some corelation shit and had to use the GC to calculate some values. So it was something like X is dependent on Y and vice versa and so you can find the values by the GC.

Lecturer: So, if you dont see the Y values, dont worry. just scroll down and its there.
Me: Actually, if you scroll down some more, you'll find values of Z.
Kai Hui: Oh really ah?

OMG.

And the best one during Chem lecture,

Lecturer: Group 7 is the most complicated one in inorganic chem. It has 1001 erections.

OMG THE BEST THING CHEM DELIVERED TO ME IN 2 YEARS.

I was trying to make sense of China's government system and after i read the notes thoroughly, I thought I had it. They have this vertical and horizontal and parallel system and I could distinguish them.

Then I read an article that said "... both the government and the CCP...". And I was like isn't CCP the government? So I wiki it to check and I saw the government in China so I clicked on "Central People's Government" and I was really nervous cause I only heard of Central govt and turns out, it's the same thing.

Then they said the Central govt is synonomous to the State Council and so I clicked on that and it explained itself so clearly that state council is largely with central people's govt. which is the central govt. which is in beijing. which is controlled by the ccp. thus the government is the ccp.

OMG seriously. WHAT??!!

I got sent home from school this morning because I was coughing.

Yeah, get this right. I as in Ama, the champion in the ponning school category was forced to go home by the school. As in the school which I love to skip.

I'm telling you man, seriously, something is wrong with the world today. Affirmative.

Hell, you know something is wrong when they sent ME home. On any other days, I'd escort myself out of the school gates with birds chirping in the back ground and swagger like a winner and I be feeling, "Damn, it's good to feel alive again!".

If you still don't get the picture, here is how it is. I can leave school but the school cannot force me home. Nobody forces a ponner home. See how silly that is.

So, this morning, I got sent to this room at the ground floor with some others who were ill and they told me I had to call a cab and they would escort me to the gates. Imagine how I felt. Let me remind you again that I do not like going to school. And now imagine me waking up against my will, drag my feet to take my towel and walk a short 1m to the toilet. And while all this is happening, I have to constantly tell myself, "No Ama, you have to go to school. You'll learn something today. A levels is this year".

And I have to constantly rebut the more logical side of me that says, "Come on. Look at your mom, she is sleeping. The room is still cold. You can study on your own today. Catch up with everything today".

It doesn't help the bed is very inviting. And for someone who always succumbs to the second voice, coming to school is an achievement in itself! So when my CT said I had to go home, I was like, "Oh man, no this is bullshit". It's a waste of shampoo, soap, perfume and a good sleep. Imagine how terrible I felt.

It was like I got played in my own game.

Joel said it would be very funny if I had swine flu cause I'm a Muslim. And that's true, I mean, I don't even pork! Swine flu, swine flu, you so funny.

And just think about this okay. I know all this temperature exercise thing is a good effort to prevent the outbreak here but if you want to win against this flu, you must think like the swine. Those who have swine flu will not have a temperature cause you don't have fever once you have that virus.

So shouldn't the focus be on those below the trigger temperature (37.5) cause those above it probably just have normal fever or have the H1N1 virus and since you already have a temperature, you're probably on your last phase already.

I think they're taking temperature cause there's no other public way to show we are taking steps. It's like we're doing it for the sake of doing it. So funny.

Whatever la, I'm too psyched in the chaos in school every day with the temperature checking to even bother if all this makes sense!

I've been so so busy these past weeks that I really had no time to blog. And when I actually had time, I was actually too tired so I chose my sleep over blogging. Anyway, I have 2 things to talk about today.

Firstly, I stepped down from council already and you know, it's the kind of feeling you get after you vomitted. After you vomit, you feel bad, it's so painful, unpleasant but after a while it feels good, like a relief. It's the same like council. At first, you'll feel a little out of place, no more morning duties, no more meetings, no more council room, no more staying back till very late at night. But when you get to go home immediately after school ends, you'll feel great. It's wonderful.

But seriously, to the 29 of you, it has been a great honour to be in this journey with you guys. There can be no other council I rather be. No 6, 30 strong and always.

Secondly, my hamster Grabbles passed away yesterday afternoon. He couldn't pee a lot for like 2 days and yesterday, he was extremely weak. It was Labour Day and it was hell hard for me to get a vet cause every clinic is closed but in the end I got one at Balestier. Freaking far. And when we got there, the vet told me he wasn't sick. But, he was dying.

And he was gonna go very soon. That sucks cause I went all the way from Tampines to ulu Balestier to only hear that there is nothing they can do for my hamster because he is dying. Got a taxi home with his cage and all and somewhere near Bedok, I realised while I was rubbing him, there was no more heart beat.

And he's gone on his blanket on my lap.

It's funny cause I told my mom that when our hamsters die, I don't want to be the one to find them dead. And Grabbles is kinda the one I like the most. Cause he's smart and he's really like a baby.

But he's gone.