Like you remember I once said that if ever, if ever, I write anything stupid, I'd grow myself a dick? It seems like a self-fulfilling prophecy, I swear. By the looks of it, or rather the feel of it, I am almost certain I am about to write something stupid again. Whatever la, if somehow a dick grows out of me, I'll castrate it and we'll roll again.

I am so goddamned sleepy and the only reason why I'm awake other than because I need to do some work is because my bloody aircon is spoilt. Effectiveness of studying is directly proportional to functioning of aircon.

And now I'm sitting in the living room with a hopeless, space consuming (notice the dumbness in my argument) ceiling fan which should just explode itself and stop working. Cause as it is, it doesn't seem to be producing much effect.

My mother is hand-fanning my hamsters, can you freaking believe that? What has my world come to?

18 years on in my life and this is the first time I am so uncertain of myself. I've never doubted myself on anything but on this momentous year, doubt is in my every pore. Sometimes things can get too late but fuck that, I'm not going down without a fight. But I cannot fight in this heat.

Like my biggest concern is Physics. Mr Ng Kar Kit once said that he didn't expect full passes for A's and that scared the shit out of me cause knowing that if the world is governed by only Physics law, I'd be breaking one after another effortlessly. I am scared, like legit. Never have I been this scared.

I'm seeing some improvement in Maths and that's fine but Physics is my biggest shit man. 2 years in MJC and another 2 years in TK taking Physics, I studied so much of it last term and still that does not suffice. At some point, it's disheartening. It's dissapointing. It's scary.

I have never felt this inferior. This incompetent, that this whole thing is breaking me as a person.