MOVED!!

becauseiamthatgood.tumblr.com

I am thinking of changing blog/abandoning this blog or just not blog. But I don't think I will not blog because blogging and the writing and the whining has grown on me that it becomes almost impossible for me not to channel my useless energy and straying thoughts somewhere.

And honestly, I really have been kept busy (by fun) that I completely forgotten I have this thing here. And I only remember this when it's like 2 in the god damned morning and I am the only one awake in the whole house and my thoughts are racing with many different things. So now you know why I am here.

So just between you and me, I have this one person that I am genuinely mad at. Like, I am not really sure if I am mad or just obsessed on taking my revenge but either way, I always find this person at the back of my head all the time. And it annoys me silly that I just feel like ringing up this mofo and, and, urm, well you know... say shit and put down the phone.

Okay, honestly I don't know what I'll do for me to actually consider the act as revenge but I really really want to do something to this person so that this person just gets angry. Oh my god, I am a monster! Like okay no, it's not like revenge- I kill you kinda thing but its justlike revenge- you stupid mofo, I will be so much an irritant you wish you'd die.

Right, not much difference but the point is I just want to cause some degree of damage to this person because if you know me, I am that one person in the whole that just goes "fuck it all" and I don't let nothing get to me. And if this person manage to leave like an imprint on me, you know the shit is major!

I sincerely wish right that our paths crossed again in the future so that I can cause damage to this person and after that, I will just... probably just like do some nasty shit like urmmm, like you know nastay shiaat. No you don't know, neither do I.

I think I just want to win this thing. Like I always do. I am such a bitch.

I am just saying... GOOD-FUCKING-BYE A LEVELS!!!

And come to me endless FREEDOM!!!

Okay, thats all.

Omg omg omg. Please please forgive me. I am feeling very raw, very vulnerable right now. I am thinking of my past, my life right now and death.

See I told you, I am just too raw right now. You know, someone should just decide that it is illegal to drink coffee at night, listen to The Avett Brothers and have internet connection at the same time. It's almost like the perfect brew to exposing your bare soul to the whole virtual world and you know you're gonna regret it but you still go ahead and type it all out cause you seriously think you'll feel better when its out of your system.

Yeah like that. I am just going random lah. Fuck man, I want to live when hippie was the sex. I am just saying that becasue I am listening to "Go To Sleep" (rightfully so) and with open eyes, I see an array of colours, New York in the 70s-80s ish and I see beards.

I don't know man, I think if I ever get wasted, I'd probably see myself like this. Just that I would have lesser control of myself and I probably would do something even more dumb than writing incoherent paragraphs and putting it out there for people to read between the lines and realise what a real fucktard I am.

Are you still reading this? Wow, really, you must either be bored or you really love me a lot. I am actually scared of death. Like no, really, death and me just like whoa out of the way out of the way. Not really the fact that I am not alive that scares me; just that I am afraid I would not have done what I want to do since I was 5 and I probably would not have done more for people around me. Like fr instance, if I die, I think my mother would be beyond devastated; I know that because she is my best friend in the whole world whose vagina happened to be the one I came out from. And my mother gave me more in 18 years than I could possibly give back to her even if I live 6423 more lives. Like when I was 10, we climbed 5 storeys together to get to this class and I was waiting in line for my turn and my mother went off. Like 5 minutes later she came up with a packet of Milo for me to drink because I said I was tired after climbing. See, I cannot beat that kinda love and sacrifice.

Oh fuck what did I just type? Omg, I really need to find a way to control 2am Amalina cause she's spewing shiaat.

How th fck does someone gets drunk without drinking. I am so fckg gone now.

I just calculated and the minimum amount of money I need to enrol in driving class, sit for the basic theory test and all that jazz is easily $2200.

And the whole time I did this was in my parents room and looking at this amount, I was like "holy shit, goodbye white land rover!". My dad asked how much it would cost him and when I told him, I was expecting _____________ (insert whatever my father has been saying all this time when i spent his money). But he said "okay, that's a lot of money but I already got it ready".

I was silent. And you know this is major cause I'm the pro at come-backs, I am the best at it in the whole wide world back and forth. But this time, I was like shit, I better start playing go-kart or thats over 2K wasted.

Pressure marnxxzz.

On a different story altogether, my father is so agreeable to me painting and refurnishing my own room after A levels. And I am all psyched and all, envisaging the possibilities that lie ahead, painted ceiling and walls, plasma tv on the wall, possibly a new dvd player and cable in my room and definitely this iPod thingy that I saw that doubles up as a charger, player and FM radio.

Pimp my room, hoes! HAHA

But honestly, between you and me, I think I would get too f lazy to move pass painting 1 wall. I'm too predictable la.

And I'm talking like A levels is a done deal like that. One more paper but I can already taste the sweet taste of freedom!

After my dissapointing chem mcq this morning (and sad, considering this is most likely my final encounter with the subject), I had a sudden mental seizure.

Me: eh, mutton is goat or beef?
Dad: what?!
Me: eh no, goat or cow.
Dad: huh you 18 years old and study in jc also donno. Mutton is pork la! Haha!!!
Me: -.-

Is it strange that I enjoy walking up and down the aisles of supermarket? And that, when I'm out I make it a point to at least spend half an hour in a supermarket, though there is nothing I want to buy?

Another reason why I need help.

I should just take a staple gun and shoot me till I pee blood. I swear. I said I wanted to study for physics right but all I did was stare at the notes hoping for some knowledge osmosis to occur.

Sometimes I wonder why I do this to myself. My brain is like so inactive now like by some measures of possibility, I could just be too f lazy to breathe.

All I need is coffee now. Yeah stock up on all that shit.

I feel random, brown chicken brown cow. Say that fast. Real fast. Just the brown chicken brown cow. Haha. Weeird.

So how was your day my virtual friend? Ooo that is straight up awesome. Nahh, I have not even bathe so I can't. Yeah yeah fo shizzle.

I need serious help.

Seriously, anyone who is just incredibly bored should just go to YouTube and read the comments posted back and forth at the end of a video.

It's like the stupidest yet funniest shit ever written by anyone who is smart enough to turn on their comp.

I just read someone said "people with cancer should be executed". Funniest shit that couldn't make me laugh.

On a sidenote, a levels is kinda weird. I don't know, was hoping for the satisfaction after every paper but only felt that for gp and maths paper 2.

And nobody really expected religion to cone out cos it came out last year. But I was praying it would and my 2 pet topics came out in one question, religion and politics. That's the one nice thing for this week.

Okay Physics now.

Omg! I cannot believe I did this! I cut bangs today! Like I've been wanting to do this since forever but I was too lazy to even entertain that thought and when I did, I was too scared to do it. Yeah pussy, I know.

But the length of my hair is shorter than the long hair I had but longer than the short hair I used to have. I make sense totally right! Hahaha but I don't know la I look funny with this new do... Like finally, hello face!

Whatever la I'm just like omg I finally got round to doing this! Haha. K ciao balls.

Haha I just found this app. Thanks to Atiqah. Anyhoo, was thinkin that I honestly make a pretty good stalker. Like I don't have to try very hard. Haha.

I smsed Atiqah 3x in less than an hour in china just now cause I was legit bored. I don't even know why I'm sharing things that don't matter.

Aircon still spoilt la. Bloody hot hell.

Like you remember I once said that if ever, if ever, I write anything stupid, I'd grow myself a dick? It seems like a self-fulfilling prophecy, I swear. By the looks of it, or rather the feel of it, I am almost certain I am about to write something stupid again. Whatever la, if somehow a dick grows out of me, I'll castrate it and we'll roll again.

I am so goddamned sleepy and the only reason why I'm awake other than because I need to do some work is because my bloody aircon is spoilt. Effectiveness of studying is directly proportional to functioning of aircon.

And now I'm sitting in the living room with a hopeless, space consuming (notice the dumbness in my argument) ceiling fan which should just explode itself and stop working. Cause as it is, it doesn't seem to be producing much effect.

My mother is hand-fanning my hamsters, can you freaking believe that? What has my world come to?

18 years on in my life and this is the first time I am so uncertain of myself. I've never doubted myself on anything but on this momentous year, doubt is in my every pore. Sometimes things can get too late but fuck that, I'm not going down without a fight. But I cannot fight in this heat.

Like my biggest concern is Physics. Mr Ng Kar Kit once said that he didn't expect full passes for A's and that scared the shit out of me cause knowing that if the world is governed by only Physics law, I'd be breaking one after another effortlessly. I am scared, like legit. Never have I been this scared.

I'm seeing some improvement in Maths and that's fine but Physics is my biggest shit man. 2 years in MJC and another 2 years in TK taking Physics, I studied so much of it last term and still that does not suffice. At some point, it's disheartening. It's dissapointing. It's scary.

I have never felt this inferior. This incompetent, that this whole thing is breaking me as a person.

I remembered last year I was doing a similar post while doing orientation proposal. Haha. One year has passed. Nothing much have changed. I used to think when I was 15, my 18th birthday gonna be the shizzz. Like I'm gonna drink and take em weeds and smoke my ass off. Haha I am kidding.

I never really expect anything for birthdays like I think th best gift is just wishing me happy birthday but hell, if you're about to get me a white Volkswagen, by all means don't let me stop you. And when I read my smses and they say "18th", I just can't help feeling this foggy old person who is just very old.

And Kai told me I can have sex already. Of course that's what I'll do in my first hour as an 18 year old cause everything else is not important. Haha. If anything, for th first time I have plans for this one year anh hopefully it'll come through. 17 was alright but I'm hoping 18 is the shizz man.

Happy 18th birthday to me!

All I'm saying is... If it's meant to be, it's definitely meant to be.
I think God is trying to tell me something. It's a cryptic message alright and I'm sure once I decode it, hurhurhur.... Nothing would actually happen la.

But really the odds was one to a million!

Kai you totally know what I'm saying, you kanasai.

I really forgot I wrote that post below. Guess my mind was out of sync with everything else then, which actually happens most of the time. But no worries, I was calm, no damage done. BUT SERIOUSLY MAN WHO THE FUCK SAYS ALL THAT SHIT AT NIGHT MAN? AND ITS JUST SO RAW... SO URGH. THERE'S LIKE EMOTIONS, I HATE BEING IN TOUCH WITH MY EMOTIONS.. AND I DON'T KNOW, A HINT OF VULNERABILITY. I SWEAR IF I EVER CAUGHT MYSELF WRITING THIS KIND OF SHIT IN A PUBLIC SPACE, I'LL GROW MYSELF A DICK.

Anyhoody in the blowfish, I think I did something as a daughter that I am really proud of. Yes, I know its about time right after close to 18 years of my pathetic existence. So there's this Sun Festival happening soon right and my father is like a hardcore fan of Al Jarreau (not Al Qaeda (and omg, I actually think this is straight up funny)). So I had to go through all the trouble of calling Sistic and booking a seat and all but my father being MY father was like, "Okay lah, we do this later, I mean nobody else like him. I'm the only person I know who is a fan."

And we can all draw a couple of lessons from what my father said. One, he needs to expand his social circle cause it's just sad if you only know you. And two, book your tickets early cause if you happen to put it off, you'll be gunning for one of the last 2 seats available for Category 1 and 1 of the seats just gives you the view of the wall instead of the performer. So that means 1 last decent seat.

And you know he so confidently said, "Alah, I'm paying for the most expensive ticket cause he is my most favourite singer of all time. I'll touch him if I could. No one else would pay a price like this. It's just too high!"

As luck would have it, my father got one of the 2 seats left. But here's the dipshit, he got the seat that faces the wall so for the $150 he is paying, he'll be watching the wall than Al Jarreau. Now, I'll charge him $120 with no GST just so he could stare at the wall of my room.

So long story short (maybe not), I was like this shit cannot be happening to my father so I called Sistic again at that instant. And this is when I am ephemerally proud as a daughter (ephemeral because it won't be soon before long my father pisses me off again).


In the middle of the convo,

Sistic Person: No, we do not provide refund or change of booking once it is confirmed. I am sorry.

Me: No no don't be. I understand. But I am looking at Sistic online now and there is 1 availabe seat at F28. The problem is when I was making my booking, I was holding on to this seat but when I pressed next I got seat C1 in my cart instead and that F seat just disappeared.

SP:Oh maybe someone took that seat after your duration expired and now he has put it back because he does not want it. It happens sometime.

Me: Okay if that's the case, how is the view at C1 compared to F28?

SP: It's a clear view at f28 but you must tilt your head a little at c1. But, im sorry maam there is nothing I can do.

Me: I am sure there is something you can do about it. I mean, I made the booking less than 3 minutes ago. There has got to be a way.

SP: No.. there is really...

Me: No, you don't understand. This means a lot to my father. He's been waiting for this guy all his life and my father is 50 plus now, so it has been a long and painful wait. And hes paying so much for this and even you said C1 has a crappy view so I'm sure you would find it in your conscience to magically work something out so this poor old man can get fulfill his life-long dream. [And right here, I was losing my breath cause I was spitting words faster than I could mouthed them]

SP: Okay okay, give me a minute. I'll try.

Me: Wait wait.. who am I talking to?

SP: I am **********.

Me: **********, I would really appreciate your help and I'm sure my father would too. [It always works once you make it personal]


So REALLY LONG STORY SHORT, we got the F ticket. My father was extremely happy and I'm sure it's not because he will get to see Al Jarreau in full view but because I'm such an awesome daughter.

PS: Fong, I can't find your blog again!!!!

So I'm thinking that it's 2 in th freaking morning and if you had down a mug of coffee and did some shit ass physics mcq and then try to get some sleep, chances are you are too unstable to be thinkin straight. So when I wake up in th morning, this will all be a 7hours phase and I'll forgive myself for being a fucktard.

So I'm googling you now and it's so shameful. Told you I moved on and have forgotten everything but things like this only haunt you back when u aren't sleeping. Probably I want to remember how it felt because I remembered it felt nice and special. I felt nice and special because you always know how to say th right thing after saying something stupid. And you are so aware of how I feel though we never really talk for a whole day. You really have a way with words and me. Have always wondered how things would have worked out btwn us if things didn't fuck themselves. Browsed thru old pictures and realised I couldn't look at the photos we took. Don't know why but maybe because I cannot look at your face anymore. Makes me feel uneasy. Strange but until now I never knew what all of that and us were. You are probably my biggest mistake up to date but it was a mistake I enjoyed.

I hope when I read this again I can be calm and not fuck myself over.

I don't know why it's in caps and th font is huge.

SO SUPPOSE YOU FIND THIS PERSON REALLY CUTE AND ALL AND HE/SHE COMES UP TO U WHEN U R IN THE MIDDLE OF A CRISIS. IF YOU'RE NORMAL, U PROLLY FLUSTER AND ALL RIGHT, HOPING YOU DONT SOUND STUPID.

THEN BAM IN THE MIDDLE OF A WELL GOING CONVO U REALISE SHIT, MY PENIS IS HANGING OUT CAUSE MY TROUSERS AINT ZIPPED OR MAYBE MY BOOBS STARING AT YOUR EYES CAUSE MY BLOUSE ISNT BUTTONED.

ALL IM SAYING IS... IT WAS A CLOSE SHAVE REALLY OR I'D BEG THE GROUND TO OPEN UP AND SWALLOW ME.

EMBARASSING MOMENT NO. 867977444637.

it seems like these pointless entries are substiutes for lack of action or drama in my life as of now.

only drama i had yesterday when i couldn't solve a blurdy ionic eqm qn and got all pissed with the universe.

i know, that sad.

i haven't slept since last night and im gg for consultation now and my eyes are extremely heavy.

ok ciao.

im getting very ridiculous with all this no substance post. i shld stop.

I really shouldn't be here but then again, I shouldn't be doing many other things.

GP over and if there is one thing I should learn from this prelims is that, never ever ever do a Singapore based essay. the problem with me is that when I write about things that matter to me, i write it passionately and when it comes to singapore, i become extremely critical.

the question was about terrorism being the biggest threat to singapore and see, instead of focussing on osama and the likes, my mind automatically arranged 3248209482309 other threats singapore face.

and im thinking the case i present for terrorism isn't as strong as my other threats. which really, is a threat to me. was really hoping to nail at least a B again for this prelims but seeing how disastrous it turned out...

anyway, i can't wait for this godforsaken prelims and a levels to be over so i can do a million other things that are of genuine importance.

and something bothering me yo.

Whaddup world. I don't think anyone comes here anymore so it's pretty safe to write my innermost thoughts that are really thought-provoking and challenges the code of norm. Like how hash brown tastes ridiculously good with maple syrup. And how if u hold your pee long enough and finally go, it's as though you'd enter a whole different realm. Or how trying to type something awfully witty but really stupid is extremely difficult on your iPod.

I was just in the mood to be intelligent and argue the case of personal autonomy, the youth culture any the future after the world ends 2012. Guess gotta pass that.

GP tmr. Hope all goes well.