The Last Executioner

I hate waking up so early on a Sunday like at 8ish. I hate when my eyes suddenly decide to open when I still want it to close. I hate it when a message is sent to my brain that if I don't make my way to the toilet now, my bladder will burst. I hate it when I wake up without my Mom's annoying pestering. I hate it when I have nothing else to hate now.

I don't really hate many things. Really.

Anyhoo, I finished this book during the holiday- "The Last Executioner". The story is based on true events which took place in a prison in Thailand and told by the last executioner of Thailand when shooting was still in practice to carry out the death sentence of the condemned. The book goes into grisly details on how the execution was carried out from the time to the escort meets the prisoner on death row to the time the gun adjuster carried out his duty and up to the mind of the executioner on duty who would take a life away.

It is really strange because the book has so much impact on me. Temporarily, maybe but bottomline is it leaves a mark and it got me thinking. You know, your mind can get so messed up when you read about people awaiting their death in such great details in the wee hours of the morning.

I became a bit emo and thought about the things that I've done wrong when I could have made it right.The times when I said horrendous things in the fit of anger but I never meant them at all. The times when I was not the best child my parents could have wished for. The times when I could simply say 'sorry' but I chose not to. *play akon's- dorry, blame it on me*

And that was when it hit me- If my time is up today, what will I leave behind?

Sarah used to tell me that I never get upset when someone hurts me but I get angry. I used to think it was an advantage cause if I can't feel the unhappiness, there is nothing unhappy about it and my near-perfect life continues. Hah. But, I change my stance now. I wish I could feel more sad, more forlorn, more bitter. Maybe after I feel all that, I can move on and feel nothing is weighing me down and whatever that is supposed to upset/anger me will be forgotten.

I hate it when I think too much. I also hate doing homeworks.

I will now do the normal things I have always done. Spongebob!!!

after all the laughter, this is how it ends