Losing The Sanity... And... Lost It.

Someone already know my results. Someone. Someone already know YOUR results. It's out there- somewhere. Probably stashed away in a locked-up 465 combination code cup-board, guard by a batallion of S.W.A.T. Or maybe, it's being checked for the last time by some old bird who is half-asleep or just maybe... just maybe, the results are missing. Aaahh... Think about what that could bring.

I'm going nowhere. Not making a point. Like always.

What I'm actually trying to say is, as we speak, our results are already written and printed in ink (duh, then graphite?) and that is that. There is absolutely nothing else we can do other than pray for the best and even then, my mind is like a messed up cobweb and I'm worrying. Despite the fact that I know worrying will not bring me anywhere, I'll worry anyway. It seems like the only convenient, rational thing to do now.

Skipped college today cause I couldn't wake up in the morning at all since the last night was spend worrying away and coughing my throat out. You do realise this worrying thing is giving me enough trouble already. And if I could, I would love to remove my throat, clear it and fix it well then reinstall it. It's been giving me crazy coughs these days and you know that feeling when there is something in your chest and your throat tingling merrily and try as you might, you just cannot cough. Very much like a bitch, huh?

Anyway, spend the whole day using the laptop to try to diverge my attention to something more productive that is if you consider playing Spider Solitaire, doing weird tests and downloading music any worthy. I refuse to think about the results... I refuse to. I will just stop thinking about it... Lalala.

Okay, I am not thinking about the results but... when I reminisced my secondary school days which happen to just end about a few months ago, I remembered taking my Olevel Malay results. Then, with that thought, I froze and developed a craving for waffles. No I'm kidding, I did not freeze cause it's impossible to with this kind of temperature but I am serious about the waffles.

But I digress.

Oh, yes, Olevels Malay results. Though it was not the Class of 2007 taking the results, as I sat in the hall, listening to Mr. Lee going on and on about the performance and flash the slides and the names of those with 5 A1s, I clearly prayed that if mine was not an A1, then please let the rest get F9. No, I'm kidding again. If mine was not an A1, let me turn back time and sit for my paper again. Not kidding this time. When you hear the people cheer with results surpassing national level, you or maybe just me, I get this electric kinda thing that run all the way from my spine to my hands and that's when I tremble.

That time, amidst all the noises and familiar voices and faces, you will feel all alone.

I'm scaring myself shitless again. Why Cambridge, why?!

For now, I'm pretty stable still, able to do normal things but once tomorrow comes, I'll lose it. I probably be very unstable and restless that I may blog something totally out of the world and by that I mean nonsense. (as though all the previous posts aren't)

you might have forgotten those nights and days