Why Cambridge, why?

I was contemplating whether to blog or not but I cannot take this anymore. I need to talk, to ramble, to bull about everything that is possible to be bull-ed about. AAAHHH!!!

I guess all I needed was to shout.

Anyhoo, had the weirdest dream or nightmare rather yesterday. Actually, come to think of it, it wasn't that weird just slightly on the gory side. I dreamt we had our results back and in my dream, we did not get our result slip but instead, the exam scripts. I know... It gets better. So, 4C was in our class and I figured TK did not pay the electricity bill since we were in the dark... or was it my room was just really dark, but anyway, Mrs Neo passed down the scripts. Then, I saw one with 70/74 and I got 25/74.

OMG. It's a bad omen. I think God is trying to tell me something.

Why Cambridge, why?!

Had a conversation with my Aunt this morning and somehow our convo diverted to summary and that was when it striked me. I cannot remember if I did my HML summary. I cannot even recall the passage that was given to us. I also cannot remember holding my pen and writing the words down on that blank piece of paper. In fact, I cannot even remember how the answer booklet looked like. So, there's a possibility of my missing that whole section worth 25marks. Which means... I can lose hope and faith for that A1 I was aiming.

But, I somehow managed to convince myself that I did the summary because it would be too silly at that point of time to not check my paper and thus not realising that I have 1 whole huge section missing. Ridiculous, eh? Just say yes, please.

So, I did my summary.. I did my summary. No second about that.

I skipped college again today cause I just cannot bring myself to doing academic things and inevitably reminding myself of Olevels and the results tomorrow. I am fragile; too easily affected by things around me that even the slightest terror and uncertainty can steal my focus and 100% from me. At times like this, I need a break from reality and hide myself in my room.

I sound like a wussy.

you are cruel, i swear. do you honestly think pulling off that kind of sick joke at times like this can actually be funny? maybe if it's at other times of my life, i will laugh my ass of my chair but darling... at times like this? i cannot believe you. what is wrong with you? you know both mean the world to me cause one of them is mandatory and the other is my passion and saying stupid things like that to someone as unstable as me seems very smart, eh. urgh, i might be exaggerating but as for this moment, i have the right to. evil monster.